


alive is more than a state of being

by resonance_and_d



Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra, Avatar: The Last Airbender, Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Avatar & Benders Setting, Alternate Universe - Modern with Bending (Avatar), Avatar Sora (Kingdom Hearts), Avatar/Kingdom Hearts fusion, Earthbender Riku (Kingdom Hearts), Family Drama, M/M, Metaphysics, NaNoWriMo 2020, No beta we die like mne, Panic Attacks, Slow Burn, Spirit World, Takes place about 150 years after Korra, Waterbender Kairi (Kingdom Hearts), eventual background Riku/Kairi, implied past domestic violence, some minor psychological horror, very tame romance (i can't write porn)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:00:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 25,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27341626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/resonance_and_d/pseuds/resonance_and_d
Summary: Avatar Ventus is dead, after a couple years in a coma. He was never able to tell anyone what he was fighting, and now no one will ever know- except maybe the next Avatar, when they get older and are able to commune with their past lives.Sora is completely the wrong age to be the newest Avatar. But somehow, he is. And the world needs him more than he knows.
Relationships: Axel/Sora (Kingdom Hearts), Kairi & Riku & Sora (Kingdom Hearts)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 33





	1. Day 01, 10:00 AM

Sora walks into the dojo nervously, flyer in hand. There's one person inside, a guy with vibrant red hair sitting at the small front desk, flipping through his phone with a bored expression. He doesn't seem to notice Sora walk in.

"Uh," Sora says.

The guy looks up, and he sets his phone down. "Can I help you?"

Sora knows a customer service voice when he hears it. It's weirdly soothing, because it means this guy is totally uninterested in him. His name tag reads "Axel."

"I saw the flyer," Sora says, too quickly. "Private firebending lessons?"

Axel blows a big bubble of gum, and lets it pop. Once he's managed to get the deflated bubble back in his mouth, he says, "You're too young to have kids who need lessons. You looking for lessons for a little sibling?"

Sora laughs awkwardly. "For me, actually."

This, unfortunately, seems to pique Axel's interest. Sora had known it would. He looks Sora up and down. "You're, what, sixteen?"

"Eighteen," Sora lies, scuffing his show against the floor. It's some kind of stone. He guesses that makes senes. Wood would be a bad idea, considering.

He doesn't offer any more explanation. Maybe if he's stand-off enough, Axel will sense this is a touchy subject.

"Eighteen," Axel repeats skeptically. "So, what, you've been through all the standard bending forms, but you're looking for advanced training? That's not really something we offer here. We generally have lessons for homeschooled kids, or kids who need a little extra practice."

"I know," Sora says uncomfortably. "The thing is, I never actually got firebending lessons. At all. As a kid."

Axels eyebrows shoot up. "Holy shit." One hand runs through his hair. "You know that counts as child abuse, right? Every bender is entitled to lessons in their element. It's the law." Although he's still sitting behind the desk still, he seems suddenly much more imposing. He's straightened up, gotten taller. Riku sometimes does the same thing, when he gets protective.

Sora shrugs, tries not to squirm. "I know," he says, uncomfortably. And because he can't tell anyone the whole truth, he gets as close as he can with, "Dad was a firebender. He died early on, and good riddance. Mom kinda didn't want me to be one, too. I'm not exactly... registered as a firebender."

Axel takes a deep breath. "So you're registered as a non-bender."

Sora is careful not to make any sign of confirmation, not to nod. It's not exactly lying if he just implies things that aren't true. He just waits. Stares a little.

Axel sighs, and slouches again carefully, almost deflated. "I'm not going to report anything right now, not if you don't want me to."

"Thank you. I don't want my mom to get in any trouble," Sora says, which is true. Spirits, she'd be upset with him if she heard what he was implying here. "She's..." He doesn't know how to finish. His mom seems strong, most of the time. But he's had this sense for so long that she's endured too much, that one more thing might break her. Brittle, he guesses is the word. "She's my mom," he finishes weakly.

"Well," Axel says, sighing. "There's no law against me giving you lessons. You're an adult, or at least you say you are, and none of what you've said has to factor into whether I teach you. Technically you're registered incorrectly, and that's illegal, so I'm going to push you to fix that at some point. But for now..." He sighs again, pulls out a tablet and stands. "You have money?"

"Yeah," Sora says. "I work part time. It's enough to pay for this." He hopes.

They hash out the details of payment. The class tuition rates for private lessons aren't as bad as Sora was afraid they would be, though they're still more than he hoped.

"Are you free for a first lesson now?" Axel asks. "I really don't want to send you off with zero training, and it's a couple hours before the kids come in for evening lessons."

"I haven't set myself on fire yet in my life," Sora reminds him. It means less than Axel thinks it does, but does seem to reassure him.

"What's your name?" Axel asks, entering some information into the tablet.

Sora says, "Roxas. You can call me Roxas."

They start, once they've moved into the practice room, with breathing exercises. Sora's had meditation lessons his whole life, but firebending breathing exercises are different than the lessons Mom has tried to give him. She's an airbender. The style is different. Sora can feel the candles on the low table in front of him, warm and pulsing with his breath.

"Power in firebending comes from the breath," Axel says. His voice has taken on a sing-songy quality that Sora instantly dislikes, until he remembers that Axel is used to teaching children. "The breath moves your chi, which becomes fire when it leaves your body."

Sora can actually feel his chi moving, which is disconcerting. Each breath moves the chi in his body along just a little, making it circle through him just like blood circles through his veins. He thinks, isn't it weird, how everything is circles when you look hard enough? Blood, chi, bending, the Avatar cycle.

And _that_ thought triggers a cycle of a different kind. A spiral of anxiety. He notices that his breath has gotten faster, that the candles which were rising and falling with his breath are burning higher and higher.

"You okay?" Axel asks.

Sora forces his breath slower. "I'm fine," he says, after a few breaths. "Just- it's been a hard day."

The candles burn low again. Sora isn't calm, not exactly- but he has this under control.

"You want to talk about it?"

Sora shakes his head. "I wouldn't know where to start."

They do a few other things. For one thing, Axel makes sure that Sora knows how to put _out_ a fire. Sora's figured that one out on his own so it's not too bad.

"Normally I'd give you homework," Axel says. "Do you still live with your mom? Is it safe to practice at home?"

Sora isn't sure how to answer that, and Axel takes his silence as a "no." He curses. "If you need somewhere to practice, I'm here every day."

"I can't afford lessons every day," Sora says, feeling awkward again.

"It's not a lesson if you just come here for some supervision while you practice," Axel says levelly. "I'd rather supervise for free than worry about you."

"Thanks," Sora says.

He says his goodbyes and thanks Axel again. They exchange phone numbers- "Contact me if you need anything," Axel tells him.

When Sora goes to leave, it's getting a little dark, and there are a bunch of old people in the street, setting up some contraption with strings and a bunch of coins. "What's that about?"

"White Lotus. They're looking for the new Avatar," Axel says with a shrug. "Some kind of earthbending technique. You heard, right? They finally pulled the life support from Avatar Ventus yesterday."

"Yeah," Sora says. "I heard."

"Seems like we haven't had an Avatar in forever," Axel muses. "I guess it's still going to be a while more."

Sora frowns.

Axel clarifies, "It'll take the kid a while to grow up, is all I mean. And none of us will know who they are until they turn sixteen, anyway."

"Yeah," Sora says neutrally.

"You think it's fun being the Avatar? I bet that kid's going to have a blast."

Sora shrugs. "Hard to say. It seems like a hard job to me." He forces a smile. "Anyway, later!" He leaves, and hurries past the group of elderly people in what he now sees are, yup, White Lotus outfits. None of them give him a second look.

The bus ride home is uneventful, though long. Sora hadn't wanted to risk going to a dojo close to home. He'd figured out the furthest dojo he could get to on one bus route, and gone there. This one takes an hour to get to, but he has time to kill.

Mom isn't home when he gets there- also according to plan. She's a nurse at the big hospital in the city, and Saturdays she works a later shift. She'd left him some leftovers in the fridge, and a note reminding him to work on his homework and take out the trash.

He crumples the note up and throws it away, microwaves the tofu dish Mom left him, and brings it with him to his room. He isn't supposed to eat in bed, but what Mom doesn't know won't hurt her.

His homework over the weekend is weirdly easy, which is a blessing at least. Sora has never been a good student, and even the remedial classes he's been in for years have always been a struggle. Sora knows he isn't smart. He tries to compensate for it by being nice. Mom has said for years that she wants him to go to the air temples after he graduates, join up and help make the world better, even if it's only a little. He knows she means, he isn't smart enough to go to college or get a job better than customer service. And she knows he'd be welcome there. All Air Nomads are welcome at the temples, no matter how unskilled.

He finishes homework up, gets distracted by his phone for a while- Kairi is making places to visit Riku at college during the week off from school for the summer solstice. That's only a week away. Riku's school is all the way across the city, and Riku had been excited to get farther from home. He seems happy at college. More free. Sora has texted him a few times, and gotten some short replies back at first. Then they'd both tapered off. Riku has been busy. And Sora has always had trouble remembering to do things, no matter how much he cares, no matter how he intends to. Remembering to keep in touch is no different.

Idly, he thinks, maybe he could practice meditating. Mom has a ton of candles around. And she won't be home for a while more.

He finds a candle- sea salt and vanilla, the subtlest scent he could find. He has a feeling scented candles aren't very traditional, but hey, it's what he has. He spends some time looking for matches or a lighter, then facepalms. Right. Firebending.

He is able to light the candle without too much trouble. He's new to this whole firebending thing, but it's not hard. Sora's always thought of bending as something difficult. Like there's a trick to it, something he's not seeing. But no- firebending feels natural, instinctive. And while he can't say, from one session of meditation, that it's easy to clear his mind, it's at least easier than years of Mom's Air Nomad-style teachings.

He sits in front of the candle. Breathe in. Breathe out. Even eyes closed, he can feel the candle flame breathing with him. Air feeds fire. Power comes from the breath. He can feel his chi circling, ready to leap to action whenever he needs it, and he feels alive, awake.

He could have done this any time. The knowledge floats in, unbidden, like a whisper he's overheard and now can't forget. He's always been a firebender. After all, bending is something you're born with.

There's a moment when he feels on the verge of some realization, something profound. Then he hears the garage door opening. He opens his eyes, takes a second to practice extinguishing a fire using bending - the candle goes out without even any smoke- and rushes to take out the trash before Mom can get on his case for forgetting again. His mom is in the kitchen when he steps back in.

"I guess you technically remembered to take out the trash before I got in," she teases. "How far did you get with your homework?"

"I'm finished already," Sora says.

She gives him a skeptical look. "Really?"

"It wasn't hard," he says, shrugging. "They went easy on us, I guess."

She sighs. "Sora, you said two days ago that it was going to be a mountain of work. You can't just speed through it. Let's take a look together. You don't want to fail a class." Again, she doesn't add.

"I'm telling you," Sora says, "it was way easier than I thought it would be." But he goes to his bag and pulls out the work he did earlier. Now that he's looking at it, it doesn't seem that different than the work he's been doing for months. Maybe he did rush after all.

They sit at the table and walk through the math first, which has always been Sora's weakest subject. Mom checks his answers, finds one problem wrong - his handwriting was so bad that he'd misread it halfway through- but the rest are surprisingly correct. "Good job," she says. "How long did you spend on this? I know you've been struggling with math this year."

Sora shrugs. "I don't know, fifteen minutes? I told you today's homework wasn't hard." Looking at it again, he says, "Or I guess... it just sort of clicked this time?"

She nods thoughtfully. They look through the rest of his homework, including an outline for an essay he has coming up. It's about the life of Avatar Korra, and the political unrest she'd dealt with starting in her teens. Sora's argument was that the unrest- at least most of it- was a symptom of deeper issues. Like how nonbenders had been treated as second-class citizens- an inequality Amon had taken advantage of in an attempt to seize power, but hadn't created. And sure enough, taking Amon out had helped, but hadn't solved the problem. Even now, bending opened doors that nonbenders would never be able to unlock.

"This is very well thought out," Mom said, after reading through what he had. "If I didn't know your writing style so well, I'd wonder..."

Sora frowns. "Wonder what?"

"Never mind," she says. "It's very well done. I'm proud of you."

Sora connects the dots. "You're saying you think it's too good. That I couldn't write something like that."

She sighs. "Sora-"

"I'm not stupid," he says. "And I'm not dishonest. I don't cheat."

"I know that, Sora." She does look apologetic, but Sora doesn't care. He can't handle this right now. He can feel chi swirling inside him, too fast. He is breathing too quickly, too, and he remembers, hysterically, that air feeds fire. Is his breathing going to turn into firebending?

"Sora-"

He bolts to his room, shuts and locks the door. His mom doesn't follow.

He takes a minute to breathe, but every time he starts to calm down, he remembers that his mom thinks he's an idiot, and he gets upset and angry all over again. People have good days and bad days. How hard is it to believe he had a really good day, that he did better than usual? He's been trying his hardest his whole life- of course it was bound to eventually pay off!

It's only 9pm. He texts Kairi, _hey, can I stop by?_

She texts back, _sure, what's up?_

Sora doesn't answer. He rummages through his closet for a moment and pulls out something he hasn't used in months- a staff.

Part of him is apprehensive about the next part of this. Superstitious, kind of. But when he opens the staff, letting it unfold into a glider, he can feel the air around him shift. It's subtler than firebending, but it's still there- not replaced, just added to.

He folds it again, then opens his window. He looks back, briefly, at his locked door. Mom won't like that he's leaving without saying anything. Good. Let her feel a taste of the anger he's feeling, then.

He hops out the window, pops the glider open midair, and feels the cool night air catch him long before he would have hit the ground.

Sora's never been good at keeping secrets. And bending multiple elements is a big secret.

He'll tell Kairi. Kairi will know what to do about all of this.


	2. Day 01, 9:00 PM

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some psychological horror starts in this chapter, see end notes for details if you need them.

Sora doesn't go directly to Kairi's. Usually, he would. Usually, that distance on a glider would completely wipe him out. He's never been a strong bender, and flying has always taken all his power and skill. It's why he usually takes the bus. When he left via the window, he anticipated that he'd have to get a ride back home.

But today, everything is weird. He's most of the way to Kairi's when he realizes that he's not tired at all. He does a couple loop-de-loops, and it's effortless. And then he circles her block a few times, reveling in the feel of flying. Is this how it always feels to other airbenders? Why do they ever come down?

He eventually lands on the balcony outside Kairi's bedroom. She's wearing an old t-shirt and pajama pants, and is sitting on the edge of her bed, looking at her phone.

He knocks on the glass, which startles her into dropping it.

"Your hair is a mess," she says with half a smile, when she lets him in, a second later. "Why did you fly? You hate flying."

"I don't _hate_ flying," Sora says, stepping into her room. "It's just exhausting. Usually." He tries to finger-comb his hair into some sort of shape, but Kairi is right, it's a mess.

"This is why most airbenders keep their hair really short," Kairi teases, closing the sliding glass door. "Or shave their heads."

"Most airbenders airbend a lot more than I do," Sora grumps back. It's an old conversation. "And I'm not going to shave my head unless they give me my tattoos. Which isn't happening any time soon." He gives up on his hair, letting it stick up whichever way it wants. "Although weirder things have happened today."

Kairi laughs. "Like what?"

"Finished my math homework in 15 minutes," Sora says, stalling.

Kairi smiles. "That's great," she says. "I wish mine had taken 15 minutes. I've spent three hours on it and I still can't figure out the last problem. I haven't started any of my other homework- tomorrow isn't going to be fun."

Kairi is in advanced math. Advanced everything, really. She's never rubbed it in his face or anything- she's a good friend- but Sora knows she's way smarter than him. No one would ever look at an essay Kairi had written and think she'd plagiarized it.

"So," Sora says. "The Avatar died yesterday."

"Yeah," Kairi says, frowning. "It's sad."

"Do you think maybe," Sora says, trying to think of how to phrase this. "Maybe he was dead longer, and they were pretending he was alive for a while?"

Kairi gives him a weird look. "What?"

Sora sits on Kairi's bed, runs his hands through his hair. "Ugh," he says. "I'm saying everything in the wrong order."

"Have you been watching conspiracy theories online?" Kairi asks, sitting beside him. "I know Riku got into that for a while, but that doesn't mean he was _right_!"

"No," Sora says. "Nothing like that. I'm just- trying to figure out the last time anyone saw Avatar Ventus in public."

"So this _is_ a conspiracy theory," Kairi says. "Sora, I'm going to tell you the same thing I told Riku. Just because you can come up with a convoluted series of events to explain something in a sinister way, doesn't mean that's how it happened. The simplest explanation is usually that people are telling the truth." She sits next to him, carefully gaging his expression. "But that's not what this is about, is it? So, what's going on? What's really bothering you?"

"My mom accused me of plagiarizing an essay," Sora says. "But I was already having a super weird day. Airbending is suddenly way easier than it ever has been before. I fainted yesterday afternoon. And..."

Kairi waits for him to finish, but her face is worried. Sora sighs. "I'm just going to show you. You know I'm rotten at explanations."

He cups his hands, and lights a small fire in his hands.

Kairi goes still.

"Oh," she says. Her eyes have gotten very wide.

"Yeah," Sora says. "I don't know how it's possible. It shouldn't be. But I guess... I might be the new Avatar."

Kairi watches the fire in Sora's hands without another word for the next minute, until Sora lets it go.

"How long?" Kairi asks.

"Huh?"

"How long have you known you could bend multiple elements?" She frowns at him. "It's not like you to to keep a secret. Especially not one this big."

"I've only known for a day," Sora says. "And honestly, for hours I thought I'd dreamed it, or hallucinated it, or something. I kind of hit my head when I passed out- Mom said I was fine, that I just stood up too fast and it was just a bump, but I wasn't so sure. When I realized a while later that I could firebend, it seemed like I must have hit my head harder than I thought, you know? Stuff like this doesn't happen except in spirit tales."

Kairi nods, and her frown fades for a second before coming right back. "When did you faint?" She pulls out her phone again.

"Uh," Sora says. "It was before dinner. Five, maybe?"

Kairi holds up her phone. "So, high noon, in the Fire Nation."

Sora doesn't get it. This is apparently clear from his face.

"Avatar Ventus was at a Fire Nation hospital," Kairi says. "I remember reading about it. When they cut his life support, they did it at noon. The next Avatar is- was supposed to be a firebender, right? Being born at noon is auspicious, and the most likely place for a firebender to be born is in the Fire Nation. So to wish the Avatar more luck in the next life, they let him die at noon."

"So you're saying I passed out right when Avatar Ventus died? That still doesn't make sense."

"It doesn't," Kairi says. "But it seems connected, doesn't it? You pass out right as the Avatar dies, and wake up able to firebend? The next Avatar is supposed to be a firebender. If fire was your first element, don't you think you'd know? The Avatar cycle makes it much harder to learn the elements out of order, is what everyone says."

Sora shifts beside her uncomfortably. "Well... it's not like I ever tried firebending before yesterday."

Kairi gives him a weird look. "Never? Wasn't your dad a firebender? You never even _tried_?"

"My dad was a firebender," Sora confirms. "Do you know how much I wanted _not_ to be one? I was so relieved when I finally figured out how to airbend, because it meant I was just... Mom's kid. I didn't have to think about him. It seemed like if I even tried to bend fire, I was tempting fate."

Kairi gives him a long look and then she goes wide-eyed. "Wait, don't firebenders who don't bend tend to get horrible fevers and _die_? Sora! You didn't start airbending until you were almost _nine_. You were putting yourself at horrible risk!"

Sora shrugs. "I mean, it turned out fine."

Kairi pinches the bridge of her nose. "Sora!"

There is a knock on her door. "Kairi? Is that Sora in there?"

Kairi's dad opens her door. "Sora, your mom called. She says you left your phone behind."

Sora feels his pockets. Yup. No phone.

Kairi's dad turns away as he says into his own cell phone, "Yes, he's here."

He turns to Sora again. "Do you need a ride home? It's getting late."

"I can manage," Sora says.

Kairi's dad, who has known him for years, gives him a doubtful look. "I'm going to insist," he says apologetically. "I think your mom would be pretty upset if I let you fall out of the sky."

Sora isn't sure how to insist that no, he can fly home. Not without going into all the other stuff that's happened. "Sure," he says, sighing. "Kairi, I'll talk to you more tomorrow?"

"Yeah," she says. "Let me know if anything new happens, okay?"

He nods.

The drive home is full of small talk. How is school going, how is his mom. Sora tries to answer, but his attention is elsewhere.

"If you ever need to talk," Kairi's dad says, hesitantly. "I know you have your mom, but if you ever want another adult, someone with a bit more distance from everything..."

"Thanks," Sora says. "If anything ever comes up, that means a lot."

He gets dropped off in front of his house. "Thanks for the ride," he says. He doesn't give Kairi's dad a chance to say more, just hurries inside.

Mom is not pleased with him. It's pretty obvious from her face. "You're grounded," she tells him, when he steps into the kitchen. "Literally," she adds, grabbing his staff right out of his hands. "You can't just run away from arguments- and your flying isn't always strong enough to safely get as far as Kairi's, let alone back again, so you put yourself in danger for... what?"

"My flying is _fine_ ," Sora says. "I wasn't even tired when I got to Kairi's. I could've made it back."

Mom rolls her eyes skyward. "I'm sure you believe that," she says. "Every teenager thinks they're invincible."

"You're never going to trust me," Sora says darkly. Part of him knows that he's acting like a spoiled teenager, but it's not a loud enough part to stop him. "You've never trusted me. I don't know how I didn't see it earlier. You think I'm stupid, and weak, and..."

Mom frowns. "Where is all this coming from? Sora, you know I love you, right? Just because you've struggled-"

Sora has never been so angry before- and it's not like he's never had reasons to be angry. Before, his anger had always sputtered out, like a car out of gas. Like his airbending after a short flight. He couldn't maintain the energy.

But he seems to have too much energy now. That's what stops him from continuing to shout and rage, in the moment- he's scared. Scared that he won't run out of steam, that he'll just get angrier and angrier. He can already feel the chi inside of him swirling dangerously high. What happens if it overflows? Chi leaving the body becomes fire. He never wants to firebend at his mom.

He sits down, right where he's standing. He puts his head on his knees, and just breathes for a second. When he looks up, Mom has seated herself next to him, leaning against the fridge, staring off into the distance.

"I'm sorry," Sora says. "I didn't mean..." But he can't finish. He did mean it. All of it.

"I don't think you're weak," Mom says, after a moment, looking at him again after a moment. "And I don't think you're stupid. Do you know, when you were born, you didn't cry?"

Sora doesn't know what to make of that. "You never told me that," he says.

She nods. "There was nothing physically wrong with you. You were a good weight, a good size... but you didn't open your eyes for days. It was like you were asleep." She pauses for a long moment. "I wasn't a spiritual person, then. And your father certainly wasn't, either. But I called my dad, your grandfather. We hadn't spoken in years, but he flew down from the Northern Air Temple as soon as I called." She's tearing up now, and Sora doesn't know what to do other than listen.

"Sometimes," she says, "a baby's spirit just isn't ready to enter the world. That's what the nurses told me. You wouldn't eat on your own, you didn't cry... they said you might never wake up. But my dad came to see you. You were still in the hospital, two weeks after you were born. My father can be a harsh man. He's a spiritual leader of the Northern Air Temple, and he has very high standards. But he knows a lot about spirits. He was the only one I trusted to help. And he said he could tell you wanted to live, that your will was very strong, but that you were stuck between worlds. Your body had been born, but your spirit was trapped, stuck somewhere else."

"You've never told me any of this," Sora says. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to call up bad memories."

"It's okay," she tells him. "You're here- so you know how this ends, at least kind of." She wipes her eyes.

Sora nods. "You got me back. But how?"

She wraps one arm around him, holding him tightly against her side. "You're not the only soul this has ever happened to. My father told me that airbenders are particularly susceptible- many airbenders work to detach themselves from the world, to free themselves from the world and its ties. When they're reborn, they sometimes have trouble forming attachments again, even to their new body. It's easy for them to get blown away, to end up somewhere they shouldn't be." She ruffles his hair. "So I knew you were an airbender even when you were a baby. I never doubted."

Sora isn't going to touch that statement with a ten-foot-pole. Not right now. "So you and grandpa- what, reattached me?"

She nods. "It was hard work. Days of meditation. But then you opened your eyes, and cried, and ate. Your grandfather stayed for weeks, helping me build the connections between your spirit and your body that you couldn't build on your own. Of course, he had _plenty_ to say about your father. Drove him clean out of the house, made me finally see sense. We divorced not long after."

"Good riddance," Sora mutters.

Mom smiles. "But I have a point to all of this. Even with all the work your grandfather and I did, then and since, you're still not as connected to your body as most people. When I look inside myself, there are more connections between my body and my soul than I can count. Air Nomad lore says there are somewhere between ten thousand and a million. You have only as many as we could give you. Hundreds, but not thousands. And those paths are what carry chi."

"That's why my bending has always been so weak," Sora realizes.

Mom nods. "And it's why I've never let you go to the spirit world. You're only tenuously in your body- no need to go somewhere where it's easier to leave it. Or for some spirit to possess you."

Sora feels a chill go down his back. "Yeah," he says. "That would be... bad."

"But your bending is getting stronger," she continues. "You flew to Kairi's, and you didn't have any trouble, right? You have been building your own connections as you get older. It's slow, but one day you might have your full strength. Just... don't push it, okay? I don't want you to get hurt. And just to be clear, I don't think any less of you for any of this. You're not weak, or stupid- you're dealing with something others don't have to, and fighting through an additional layer of difficulty to do everything the same things everyone else is doing... that's the opposite of weakness."

"Oh," Sora says. "I... I need to think about this, but..." He gives her a hug. "Thank you for telling me. I'm going to go to bed. I'll see you in the morning before you head to work, okay?"

"Of course." She smiles.

Sora does not bolt. He doesn't run. But he wants to. He stops in the bathroom to brush his teeth, and stares at himself in the mirror the whole time.

Easy for spirits to possess, she'd said. It hadn't been her main point, but he had heard it somehow more loudly than the rest.

Avatar Ventus had died, and Sora had passed out at the same moment.

Sora can firebend now, and he has no proof that he could do that before.

The Avatar is a spirit. A benevolent spirit, but still a spirit. Could the Avatar have gotten mixed up somehow, reincarnated into a body that already had a spirit, forcing that spirit out?

Sora rinses his mouth out, dries his face absently on his sleeve. He cups his hands and makes a flame, then lets it go out.

Is he actually still Sora? Would he know, if he wasn't?

The thought makes his skin crawl. The idea of being an imposter, the sudden feeling that he might be _wearing_ his body instead of _being_ it.

He goes to bed, trying not to think about any of that. But it is a long, long time before he falls asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Psychological horror notes: Sora suspects that his own soul has been replaced with another spirit (the Avatar's). He is understandably creeped out by this.


	3. Day 02, 05:15 AM

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took yesterday off of NaNoWriMo to have a nervous breakdown about the US election. Today I'm still having a nervous breakdown, and will continue until results are in (at the earliest), but I'm also back on my bullshit! So have another chapter.
> 
> The mild psychological horror continues in this chapter, interspersed throughout. Same topic as last chapter. Sora is trying to figure some stuff out.

Sora wakes up earlier than he meant to. It's barely dawn. For a moment, he enjoys the feeling of being awake and well-rested on a lazy Sunday morning. Then the events of the past day and a half rush back to him, and he wonders if he could still fall back asleep and put being awake off for a little longer.

But he's up, and sleep doesn't feel like an option now - he is too awake, too anxious.

He gets up, goes to the bathroom, decides he really needs to shower and fix his hair, which is still a mess from his flight to Kairi's last night. All of that takes about half an hour. Mom is still asleep, so he makes breakfast- pancakes. When she gets up, he has just finished making the last pancake, and he hands her a plate.

"You're up bright and early," she says, taking the plate with one hand and rubbing at the corner of her eye with the other. "Thanks for making breakfast."

"No problem," Sora says automatically. He pulls out some syrup and dumps a ton on his pancakes.

His mom takes a lot less, eyeing the puddles of syrup on his plate with familiar amusement.

For a moment, things are just... normal.

"You're still grounded," Mom reminds him. "I'll write up a list of chores for you to do while I'm gone. And since you got your homework for the weekend done early, you can get started on next week's. That essay- your ideas are good, and you have a solid outline. I bet you can knock it out today."

Sora nods. He doesn't want to think about being grounded, because that makes him think about the conversation they'd had last night, about his fears that maybe he _is_ the Avatar- and that he's not Sora anymore.

"If I hear you went to Kairi's or anywhere else," she says, "You'll be grounded even longer."

Sora makes a sound like "ugh". (He doesn't actually agree to anything. He's always hated lying.)

He eats his pancakes at the table with Mom while she silently makes a list of chores, absently picking at her pancakes in between adding items to the list.

If he were to tell her his suspicions- told her everything- she could probably tell him if he was right. But the thought of telling her that he might not be Sora, that maybe he's another spirit who wandered in... If he's wrong, he'll worry her so much, and for nothing. And if he's right... Well, what then?

"Don't worry so much," Mom says. "It looks like a long list, but I'm not making you do anything horrible. When I was your age, I had to shovel bison poop for _hours_ when I got in trouble. You just have to vacuum and clean your room."

Sora sighs dramatically. "I guess, Mom."

She laughs. "I'll be home before you know it."

She gathers her things and heads to work. Sora waits a while after he sees the car drive down the road. He even does some of the quicker chores while he waits- like vacuuming the living room hastily, not bothering to move furniture out of the way, just kind of shoving the vacuum haphazardly under them. Mom won't be impressed, but she's never impressed with his cleaning, so whatever. Then, when it's been a good half hour and he's sure Mom hasn't forgotten anything and isn't coming back, he texts Axel.

_Roxas here_ , he says, almost putting his real name instead of the one he'd given Axel yesterday, then correcting himself before hitting send. _Do you have time for me to come in and practice today?_

Axel sends him a thumbs up emoji, then _I can be there in 30 min, see you soon_

By bus, the dojo is an hour away. Sora doesn't have that kind of time today- an hour to get there, an hour back, and an hour or two to train. That's half Mom's shift. He won't have time to do the chores, and she'll know he slacked off.

But he's been so close to losing his control over firebending so many times over the past day. And if that happens, he's in even deeper trouble.

Well- there's always the air. Flying is much faster than a bus, and airbending has been way easier since- since things changed. He isn't going to think about that now, but he is going to take advantage of it. If he flies, it will only take about twenty minutes to get to the dojo.

Sora just has to find where Mom stashed his glider.

Luckily, Sora is a master of finding his Winter Solstice gifts. Even when Mom had tried to hide them on the roof when he was eight, he'd found them within a day. He'd fallen off the roof, but he'd found the toy his mom had hidden up there out of sight. And he'd figured out how to airbend for the first time, to boot.

So now he thinks: where would Mom hide his staff?

He tries the attic, but all that's up there are the usual boxes- holiday decorations, clothing that Mom keeps meaning to donate, old photos and home videos. It's not on the roof, either, or under Mom's bed. He finds _Mom's_ glider in the coat closet, but he feels weird borrowing it- gliders are kind of personal. He'll save that for a last resort.

Eventually, he looks under the couch. It isn't there, but he can see the very end of it, where Mom wedged it between couch and wall, suspending it where it's almost invisible unless you move the couch. He thinks, if he hadn't bumped the couch so hard when vacuuming, it might have stayed hidden all day. He feels pretty good about that until he thinks, yeah, but if he'd just moved the couch a little to get under it, like Mom always tells him to, he probably would have found it while he cleaned.

Oh, well.

He's running a little late. He makes sure the doors are locked, double checks that he has everything he needs this time- no leaving his phone behind today- and takes off.

The dojo is at least three times as far away as Kairi's house. Even with newfound Avatar strength (which he's still not thinking about), he worries a little that it will be tiring to get there. Well- he won't fly too high, and if he gets tired, he'll land and take the bus the rest of the way. Whatever Mom thinks, he's not actually trying to endanger himself.

But he didn't need to worry. The flight to the dojo is easy, and as he nears his destination he realizes he's made better time than he expected. He lands in a park not far from the dojo, which is empty. It's still early in the day. He hops into a nearby tree and stashes his glider in some high branches. He checks from the ground to make sure it's not visible- it isn't- and tries to fix his hair on the way to the dojo. It's a losing battle. Maybe Kairi is right, and he should cut it shorter if he's going to be bending more.

Of course, if his theory is right, this is temporary, he realizes with a small pang of.. something. If he's right, his firebending and better airbending will go away once he figures out how to get his actual soul back. Then it's back to weak bending for the rest of his life. Maybe it's not worth cutting his hair over.

He walks into the dojo even more tentatively than he had the day before. The door is unlocked, Axel is nowhere to be seen. The desk he was sitting at is covered in craft supplies- tape, glue, bits of paper and cloth. There are a few books there, too.

"Hello?" he says. "Axel?"

"One minute," Axel says, from somewhere deeper inside the dojo.

Sora walks closer to the door that leads into the practice room. This also puts him closer to the desk, and he notes that Axel seems to be reading the new Love Among The Dragons retelling that Kairi likes so much, as well as a couple beat-up romances.

Axel doesn't appear after another couple minutes. Sora thinks about going back to see what the holdup is, but that seems really rude considering Axel is teaching him basically for free. So he waits.

Axel finally emerges with a thick stack of papers and another roll of tape. "Hey, Roxas," he says. "So- I had an idea." He sets down the stack of papers and holds up _Love Among the Dragons (a retelling for the modern era)_. "I can't exactly send you home with some firebending texts to read," he says, excited, "at least not _openly_. But if we can make it look like you're reading something else..."

Sora blinks. "Oh! That's really smart."

"Do you think it'll work?" Axel says. "You're the one with the weird family life, and if you think it's risky to read firebending textbooks, even with a fake cover, tell me."

"Mom doesn't care what I read," Sora says. "As long as I get my homework done, don't get in trouble at school, and all that, she's pretty laid back. About most things. I just won't leave it lying around. Just in case."

"Cool," Axel says, handing him the book. "Because I've already re-bound this one, and I can have more for you tomorrow."

"Thank you," Sora says, flipping through it. "You're really doing a lot for me." The images are clearly photocopies from more than one textbook, with a mishmash of illustration styles. Sora wonders how long it took Axel to put this together. Had he even slept?

Axel shrugs. "I like to teach," he says. "I'm actually majoring in education. I figured the dojo is good practice- like an internship, but I get paid more. And you're an interesting challenge. How long can you hang out?"

"Not too long," Sora admits. "An hour at most. Mom is at work, but I'm grounded and I have a ton of chores to do before she gets home. If she catches on that I left when she was gone, she'll be more careful later..."

"And then you won't be able to sneak out to get to these lessons," Axel finishes. "Well, we'll do what we can today." He starts to walk back into the practice room. Sora follows.

They do five minutes of meditation. Sora wishes he could feel the paths of his chi more clearly, like Mom had mentioned doing. But he just feels- motion, life, light. No paths, just a vague swirl of energy.

"Fire is the element of strength," Axel tells him, when they're done meditating. "At this dojo we focus on the more older traditional styles of firebending before we bring modern techniques into it. You watch pro bending?"

"Not really. I've got friends who watch- one of my friends even got scouted for the earthbender position at his college. So I've picked up a little, but... I don't know if I like it, honestly."

Axel nods. "Pro bending uses modern bending. It's fast, punchy. But it's less connected to the elements than the traditional styles. It's a great supplement to traditional styles, but not something I'd start out with as a beginner."

Sora nods.

They work on stances. Some of them look familiar to Sora, from old movers and comic books. He had a series of comics he'd loved as a kid about Avatar Aang and his adventures, and the firebending in the comic had apparently been pretty authentic, based on what Sora is learning now.

When Sora messes up, he messes up in ways he hopes Axel can't tell are airbending-specific ways. His stances are too light. He breaks his own root. He wants to move in circles away from his imaginary targets, not in straight lines towards them. It's funny- Sora'd never thought he was a good airbender. But he has muscle memory, at least.

Still, Axel says he isn't doing too badly. "You've had some kind of self-defense classes before," he says.

"Yeah," Sora says. "My mom taught me some stuff. She... she worries about me. I think I gave you the wrong impression about her."

Axel says, "She didn't get you firebending lessons. If you tick some certain boxes, you're not a good parent."

"She didn't know," Sora blurts. Oops.

"She didn't know," Axel repeats. "What does that mean?"

Sora notes, absently, that he's breathing really fast. He tries to slow it down, but can't. Axel says, "Hey, kid. Stick with me here. You're safe. Nothing bad is going to happen to you." He helps Sora sit on the ground, sits with him, breathes slowly. Sora mimics him, and is able to slow down.

"I started bending really late," Sora says, not looking at Axel.

"How late?" Axel sounds skeptical. "That doesn't make any sense."

Sora doesn't know how to answer that. Does he lie? Say he was eight, when he'd started airbending? That had been pretty late.

After a long moment, Axel says, "So I've noticed you're a shit liar."

Sora doesn't say anything.

"Were you six years old? Seven?"

Sora isn't sure where he's going with this.

"Ten? Come on, you weren't older than ten when you started firebending." Axel examines Sora's best stubborn face. "Damn, that is late."

"You can't tell when I started firebending by looking at my face and counting!" Sora says. "I know I'm transparent, but I'm not _that_ transparent!"

Axel's face takes on a playful look. "Really? Eleven."

Sora rolls his eyes.

"Twelve."

"I told you," Sora says. "You're not going to figure it out."

"Eighteen," Axel says, changing tactics. "Seventeen. Sixteen. Fif- aha."

Okay, yeah, Sora's eyes had bugged out a little. Fine. He doesn't like lying, it's not like he's practiced it.

"And you said you were eighteen now," Axel says, "Which was definitely a lie. I'm thinking sixteen. Nope, seventeen?"

He looks at Sora for a minute, obviously trying to guess his age. "You're fifteen, aren't you."

Sora sets his face. Axel lets out a long sigh.

"Fuck, kid. You started bending _this year?_ "

"I didn't say any of that," Sora says.

"You didn't need to." Axel looks at him for a long moment. "So you thought you were a nonbender your whole life, and..."

He trails off. "You're still doing it. That face."

"Am I not allowed to have secrets?" Sora asks. It comes out more sour than he intended. Acidic, even.

Axel says, "I'm sorry. You're right, I'm being nosy. I'll stop. What I really want to know is that you aren't going to set yourself or anyone else on fire. That's the goal, right?"

Sora nods.

"So I do have one more question I'm going to ask. A relevant question. And if you can bring yourself to just tell me, then I'm done asking you shit, okay? Deal?"

"Okay," Sora says hesitantly. "Deal."

"When exactly did you start firebending?" Axel asks again.

Sora sighs. "You really need to know?"

Axel nods.

"It was two days ago," Sora says. "And I know that's late- _really_ late. And there are even more complications than you know, things I can't talk about. But I hate lying, so can we just... not talk about those for now?"

Evenly, Axel says, "I promised no more questions, and I'm going to stick to that. But I do need to say something- something that's not a question in disguise, I promise. I'm really worried about you. Bending for the first time this late is unusual, unusual enough that you need to talk to a healer to make sure you're okay in other ways." Sora has no intention of doing that, but he nods.

"But I guess more than that," Axel continues, "what I worry about is that you're going to set a fire without meaning to. So here's what we're going to do to keep you safe."

He outlines a plan, much of it based off of a pamphlet he has for non-firebender parents of toddlers who have just started firebending. Sora is supposed to buy an extra smoke detector and fire extinguisher for his room (preferably a few for other rooms too), and to come up with a plan for managing his emotions for the next couple weeks. Axel also recommends some fire resistant blankets- "Most toddlers firebend in their sleep at least once, and we don't know if that will apply to you or not."

Sora leaves the dojo later than he intended to. At least there's no White Lotus outside today. He has a bad feeling about them- if their fancy earthbending Avatar-finding technique actually works, wouldn't they see it pointing at him? He doesn't want that. He's becoming more and more convinced that he's not himself anymore, and if they find him, they're going to figure that out. But he's not sure what happens after that. He's not sure he wants to know.

The park he left his glider in has a couple small kids in it, who gawk at him as he climbs the tree, and gawk more when he flies off. Airbenders aren't common, he knows that, but he's suddenly nervous that someone will connect "airbender from the park" with "firebender who goes to the dojo to train." He's careful not to fly directly over the dojo. The last thing he wants is for Axel to see him airbending.

He gets home two and a half hours before Mom is due to get off work, throws his glider on his bed- oops, past his bed, he'll put it back where it was later. He speeds through all the chores she'd left him (doing them badly, in some cases), and is working on his essay when she's due back. Or, well, he'd started out working on his essay. And then he'd started thinking about the fire safety plan, and how easily his mom would notice all the fire extinguishers and smoke detectors and stuff. And he can't _not_ try what Axel has been telling him to do. That would be dangerous, not just to him, but to Mom.

This isn't something he can hide. Not safely. And coming clean about firebending means coming clean with everything.

But Mom is late coming home. He texts her- _running late?_ \- but she doesn't respond over the next hour. While he waits to hear back, Sora ends up rummaging through the fridge, finds some vegetables and tofu, and with a shrug throws them in a pot with some vegetable broth, and rice, and some seasonings. Half an hour after that, he ends up eating his weird rice mush soup- not as good as Mom's cooking, but technically edible.

Finally, she responds _on my way back_.

He cleans up his mess from cooking- ha, that wasn't even on the list of chores!- and then sits on the couch.

It's getting dark out when she finally gets back. "You won't believe the day I've had," she says, when she comes in. "A bunch of delegates from the Western Air temple came in to see the babies in the NICU. They're looking for the new Avatar- I guess they think that Republic City is a likely place for some reason." And then, "Why are you sitting in the dark, Sora?" She flips the lights on.

He shrugs. "Didn't seem worth getting up to turn the lights on, I guess." He takes a deep breath. "Mom, can we talk?"

She gives him a worried look. "Of course," she says, sitting on the couch beside him. "Honey, what's wrong?"

"I have something I have to tell you," he says.

He just has to figure out where to start.


	4. Day 02, 07:45 PM

Sora curls in on himself a little, pulling his feet up onto the couch so that he can rest his arms on his knees. "You have to promise you won't hate me," he says, which doesn't exactly make Mom look _less_ worried.

"Sora, there's nothing in the world you can do that would make me hate you. You're my son and I love you."

Sora doesn't know how to explain. His arms curl around his knees. The last thing in the world he wants to do is show Mom that he can firebend, because if he does- if it's proof that he's not really Sora, that he's some other spirit- she _will_ hate him.

But he's not going to back down now. He can't. If he isn't really Sora, then the real Sora is- somewhere. Maybe in danger. And even if that's not the answer, if Sora is wrong and somehow been the Avatar all along- then there's still something else going on, something weird, and Mom will help him figure it out.

He takes a deep breath, to move some chi along. His chi isn't exactly swirling right now. It feels frozen in place.

"I have to show you," he tells Mom. "Just- give me a second." He takes another deep breath, and another, until his energy is moving, though still a little sluggishly. Then he cups his hands and makes a flame. It comes out unsteady, flickering a little, like a candle flame in a drafty room. But it's still unmistakably firebending.

He looks up at Mom. She looks shaken, which is fair. "You can firebend," she says. "Since when?"

"Two days ago," Sora says, letting the flame die. "At least- that's the first time it happened."

"But you used airbending to get to Kairi's last night," she says. "Right?"

"Yeah," Sora says. "I can do both. It doesn't make _sense_."

"The Avatar passed away recently," she says. "Two days ago? Three?"

"Two days ago," Sora says, again. "Kairi said- she said he passed away at noon in the Fire Nation. That's five here. Which is about when I fainted, right? Everything started after that."

She's looking at him with an expression he can't read. He knows, without asking, that she has had the same idea he had.

"If a spirit possessed me," Sora says, voice wavering a little. He stops, then continues. "If it replaced the _real_ Sora- would I know?"

This question seems to actually release a little bit of the tension from her body, which makes Sora frown.

"I don't know for sure," Mom says. "The spiritual knowledge I have is only what I needed to help you as a baby. But if you're asking these questions yourself- if you still _feel_ like Sora- that makes me feel a little better." She scoots closer, and wraps him in a hug. "You must have been so scared these past two days. I'm glad you decided to tell me. We'll figure this out, okay?"

Sora nods against her shoulder. He doesn't pull away from the hug until she does.

Mom says, "I'm going to make some tea. The caffeine can't keep us up if we're not sleeping anyway!" She is obviously aiming for lighthearted, so Sora forces a chuckle despite the strained tone in her voice.

He stays on the couch while she starts to heat water. She's using the iron pot, on the stove- he can hear the clanking of the metal as she digs it out of the cupboard. They have an electric kettle, but Mom likes to use the iron one more. She says it makes better tea, infuses it with flavor you can't get from other kettles. Sora has never noticed a difference.

She doesn't come back after she's set the kettle on the stove and lit the stove, and Sora really doesn't want to be alone with his thoughts right now. So he gets up to find her. She can't have gone far.

Where she has gone is immediately obvious once he walks down the hall- she's shut the bathroom door. Sora is about to walk back to the couch and let her have her privacy when he realizes he can hear her talking. Huh.

He takes a couple more steps towards the bathroom. Is it rude to eavesdrop on a phone call? Absolutely. But he's intensely curious, and what Mom doesn't know won't hurt her.

He's missed part of the conversation, but as he moves closer he can hear her say, "...thinks he's my son. But I don't know. Something has been _off_ for the past couple days. He's been so angry, blowing up over every little thing. And he's been hiding things. Sneaking out."

Sora should stop listening. But this is Mom giving her honest opinions about what's happening, and he needs to know.

She listens for a minute. Hums in agreement. "I know, I know. Teens can be moody. _I_ was a moody teen. This is something else. Dad, I'm not sure it's safe to say too much on the phone. But there's... a specific spirit I'm worried about."

She stops for a minute. Sora isn't sure if the person she's on the phone with (his grandfather?) is talking, or if she's trying to phrase things in her head.

"Don't name any spirit's names, but... he started firebending, in addition to... you know." she says, finally. Then, "Dad- I said don't use names here, but yes, that's the one. I don't know how this can be Sora. _Anyway_ , I'm going to drive up to you with him. First thing tomorrow. I'll call work and his school first thing, then we'll head out. Just tell me you can fix this?"

Sora's phone rings loudly in his pocket. Oops. He pulls it out, silences it- Kairi can wait- but it's too late. Mom has heard.

"I'll call you back," she says, and opens the bathroom door.

Sora waves awkwardly. "I'll go finish making the tea," he says, but Mom puts an hand on his arm.

"Hang on," she says. "You heard all that?"

Sora nods. "I shouldn't have listened," he says. "I know that." Then, "But... you really don't think I'm me?"

His phone rings again. He absently rejects the call and then mutes his phone. Mom is looking at him, but she isn't _saying anything_. This is so much worse than when she'd accused him of plagiarizing his essay outline. This is like being accused of plagiarizing his _self_. He realizes, as they stare at each other, that this isn't what he'd expected. Somehow, deep down, he hadn't believed that his theory was true. He'd expected Mom to laugh, to tell him there was another explanation, that he'd been worried for nothing.

She doesn't think he's Sora. She thinks he's been replaced. But Sora has a gut feeling that, even though it's impossible, he's always been the Avatar. Something changed when Ventus died- that's impossible to argue with. But Sora is Sora. He's the same person he's always been- just _more_ , like he's been half asleep his whole life and is finally waking up.

Sora has known how to firebend for two days, and it already feels like a core part of him. It isn't new. It feels old, like it's always been there, just... he'd forgotten, somehow. He's always been a firebender. He's always been the Avatar.

He looks at Mom, helplessly. He thinks, this should have been a happy time. Finding out he's more than he's always thought. Smarter, stronger, a better bender, with a destiny, a purpose. But it's not a happy time. Everything is weird and horrible, and she's going to drag him to the Northern Air Temple to see his grandfather. Harsh, she'd called her father. Sora wonders how bad someone who is already harsh might be, to someone he thinks has possessed his grandson. He wonders how long it will take before they figure out he's just himself.

He wonders if any amount of investigation will actually convince them.

"It's going to be okay," she tells him. "I know you must be confused right now. You've just been reborn, and memories are stored at least partly in the brain. It's natural that you thought you were Sora. But I need my son back. You'll have to reincarnate properly."

"But I am Sora," Sora says. "You'll see. You want to drag me to the Northern Air Temple? Sure, do it. Do some kind of spirit magic, poke at my soul, do what you have to. But you'll see I'm the same person I've always been. I'm me, no one else."

Mom nods. "I appreciate that you're willing to work with me," she says. She bows respectfully, and Sora takes an uncomfortable step back.

They don't drink any tea after all. Sora goes to lie down. He thinks about calling Kairi back, but doesn't. Instead, he pulls open his texts from earlier, finds the thread with Axel.

 _So, hypothetically_ he starts, then deletes that. Instead he says, _So my mom lost her shit._

Axel responds a moment later. _That sounds ominous._

 _She's dragging me to the northern air temple in the morning_ , Sora says. Before Axel can respond again, before he can overrthink it, he says, _i'm scared._

The little dots that indicate Axel is typing go for a while before Sora's phone buzzes. _What the fuck_ , is Axel's eventual reply. _What happened?_

 _she thinks I'm possessed by a spirit_ , Sora says. He doesn't have a better explanation, one that doesn't make Mom sounds like she's losing it. _i can't prove her wrong_

 _iI thought you said she was reasonable!_ Axel says.

Sora has no way to defend her. Not without revealing everything. He tries to breathe more slowly, to calm down a little. He can't think. _i don't know what's going to happen when we get there. she said my grandfather will fix things_

 _you're not GOING there_ , Axel says. _what's your address?_

Before Sora can answer, he hears Mom coming down the hall. He tucks his phone into his pocket.

She opens the door. "Pack a bag," she tells him, tossing a small duffle bag into the room. "Just the essentials. Some clothes, your toothbrush, that kind of thing."

Sora nods, sits up and stretches. "Sure," he says. She looks away from him and leaves the room.

Sora types out his address for Axel, but doesn't send it for a moment.

 _she's awake_ , he adds to the end of the message. _I can't get out until she goes to bed_. He hits send. Then he stashes his phone back in his pocket and does some packing. And some thinking.

His staff is where he tossed it earlier, on the far side of his bed from the door. As he packs, he kicks it under his bed, where it's hidden from sight by piles of dirty clothes and old toys from when he was a kid. He's never been so grateful his room is a mess. Next to it, he place the book Axel gave him, the firebending textbook disguised as a novel.

If he leaves, he can't come back, not until he figures out how to prove he's himself. What will he miss, when he's gone? He has some cash- cash that was going to go to his firebending lessons- which he puts into his bag, tucked inside a pair of socks. He grabs the lucky charm Kairi had given him when they were younger, rests it carefully on top of his clothes. There's actually not a lot else here that he has much attachment to. He eyes the wooden swords poking out from under the bed- he and Riku had sparred with those for years. There are a lot of good memories wrapped up in those swords. He doesn't want to carry them around, though, so he leaves them.

He won't be able to keep his phone. There's no way Mom wouldn't use it to track him down. But he knows Riku and Kairi's phone numbers by heart, and the rest is just... photos, emails from school, texts.

He thinks, he'll need to reset the phone to factory settings before he leaves, anyway. He doesn't want Mom reading his texts, especially the ones from tonight.

He grabs his toothbrush and toothpaste from the bathroom, and hesitantly goes to Mom, who is in the kitchen throwing out all the perishable food from the fridge.

"I'm going to bed," he says. "Unless there's anything you need help with?" He shouldn't have offered that. But maybe if he helps, she'll go to bed faster.

She looks at him. "What are you so nervous about?"

Sora really wishes he weren't so easy to read. "Of course I'm nervous," he says. "You think I'm possessed and you're taking me out of school, out of the _country_!"

"But you promise to cooperate anyway?" she asks.

"Do I have a choice?" But that doesn't seem to be a good enough answer for her. "Fine," Sora says. "I'll cooperate. I promise."

Sora's been able to do a lot of things he never expected to, in the past couple days. Lying isn't one of them. But apparently the jumbled mixture of emotions he's feeling- dread and nerves, resignation that he's about to get caught, resolution that he will run away somehow even if he does- is strong enough to mask whatever nervousness he feels about lying to Mom. She nods, and Sora walks to his room. He opens the window for a breeze- and for later- then turns off the lights and lies in bed.

Axel texted him a thumbs-up emoji while he packed. He's nearby, Sora suspects. All there is to do now is wait.

He lies in bed with the lights off for what feels like hours, waiting for Mom to go to sleep.

Finally, he hears Mom walk up the stairs and down the hall. He feigns sleep, and sure enough he can hear his door open for a moment. She seems satisfied enough, though, because she closes the door gently and walks the rest of the way down the hall.

He waits a few minutes, then texts Axel. _Give it an hour to make sure she's asleep._

 _I'm down the street when you're ready,_ Axel replies.

The next hour is the longest of Sora's life. He doesn't dare get out of bed, in case it wakes Mom up. She's a pretty sound sleeper, but he's only going to get one shot at this. Finally, after the hour has passed uneventfully, he wipes his phone before he tiptoes out of bed, grabs his bag from the floor and his staff from under the bed, and jumps out the window.

He doesn't fly this time, only eases his landing with a light touch of airbending. Once he hits the ground, he runs, stopping for a brief moment once he reaches the sidewalk to slip his shoes on.

Axel is a block and a half down the road, in a beat up old car. Sora darts down the street. When he gets there, Axel is watching his phone. Sora actually has to knock on the window to get his attention.

"Roxas," Axel says. He eyes the staff, but says nothing about Sora's weird airbender stuff. Good, because Sora doesn't have an explanation that doesn't involve explaining the Avatar stuff. "I'll pop the trunk."

Sora throws his belongings in the truck, gets in the passenger seat, and they're off.

"You have your phone?" Axel asks, once they've put a few blocks between them and Mom.

"I left it," Sora says. "Mom could have used it to track me. I'm sure she has a stupid location app on there."

"Okay," Axel says. He turns to Sora for a minute. "So. What happened?"

"I decided to show Mom that I could firebend," Sora says. "She didn't take it well."

"That sounds like an understatement," Axel says. "Not taking it well would be- I don't know. Yelling, or grounding you for hiding it, or having a mild breakdown and needing to lie down. Not _dragging you out of the country for some kind of exorcism_." He is gesturing wildly, and the car swerves slightly before he puts both hands on the wheel to steady it.

Axel is quiet for a few moments. Sora wants to protest, to say that she wasn't going to exorcise him. But he can't honestly say that's not what was going to happen.

"She said she didn't believe I was me," he says, instead. He's not sure if he meant it as a defense of his mom, or as an attack against her. He just knows that he hates this whole situation. "That I've been angrier than usual, that I'm dishonest."

Axel snorts. "Dishonest? That doesn't sound accurate to me."

Sora could correct him. He could say, no, he hasn't been outright lying much, but only because he hates it, and is terrible at it to boot. But he's been hiding things, and he can't bring himself to stop. He hasn't told Axel he can airbend, he hasn't told Riku- one of his best friends!- anything, he only told Mom anything at all because he was worried he might accidentally set the house on fire in his sleep. And he hadn't even _gotten_ to that part before she freaked out.

"Thank you," he says, after a long time. "For coming to get me."

"Eh," Axel says, waving him off. "What are friends for?"

Sora hates being dishonest. He hates hiding things. But Mom was kind of right about one thing. He hasn't been acting like his old self. Too much has changed for him to act the same as before. And if he doesn't want her to find him and drag him off to the Northern Air Temple, he's going to have to keep acting like someone different than before.

He can't be Sora right now, because using his real name or calling his friends to tell them he's okay is going to get him found by Mom. Even airbending is risky- she's going to report him missing, and there aren't that many airbenders in Republic City. Someone might connect the dots.

He can't be the Avatar right now, either, not in any meaningful way. He's untrained, the wrong age, has no idea how to do any of the Avatar's job. It's years of work before he'll be ready for that, if ever. He's not ruling it out in the future, but it's not a role he can take on. Not right now. He's not a world leader. He's a teenager who just ran away from home.

But maybe he can still be Roxas. Axel's friend. A firebender.

He can figure out everything else later.

* * *

In Sora's voicemail, there's a message.

"Sora," Kairi's voice says, slightly tinny over the phone lines, but excited. "I think I've figured it out. Call me back as soon as you get this!"

A about half an hour later: "Seriously, Sora, why aren't you picking up your phone? Call me!"

Kairi will leave more messages over the days that follow. But she might as well have written her messages on paper, stuck them in a bottle, and thrown the bottle into the ocean. Sora isn't getting them any time soon.


	5. Day 03, 5:14 AM

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this universe/era I've decided the school year starts in late spring and there's only a short summer break before school resumes. I don't have a justification for this, it just makes the timeline work out better.

Sora wakes up at dawn again, and it takes him a minute to remember where he is and why he's so tired.

He's on Axel's couch, having basically collapsed when they got in, only a couple hours ago. He feels uncomfortably awake, with sun shining through the window and into his eyes.

He's going to be _so tired_ later. But that's a problem for future Sora.

Axel lives in a small studio apartment, pretty high up in a high-rise with a broken elevator. They'd climbed a lot of stairs the night before. Sora isn't totally sure where in the city they are. He had been dead tired during the drive, had actually dozed off for part of it.

The space is sparsely decorated, with only a few pieces of furniture. The couch, a bed, a small table with two chairs. Sora gets the impression Axel doesn't spend much time here. Compared to the front room of the dojo, which is cluttered with pro bending magazines and miscellaneous junk, the apartment is downright bare.

Sora walks as lightly as he can to the bathroom. When he gets out, Axel has woken up, though he's still lying in bed.

"Ugh," Axel says. "Why does the sun have to come up so _early_?"

Sora doesn't laugh, but he does let out an amused huff of air. "It's almost the summer solstice. The nights will get longer again after this. Or you could just put up curtains."

"Won't help," Axel grumbles. "My last apartment was a garden unit with the only window in the bathroom. I still woke up at dawn."

"So the thing about firebenders being morning people is true," Sora observes.

"What, you weren't an early riser before you started bending?"

Sora shakes his head. "You kidding? Mom keeps threatening to send me to a doctor, she thinks I have narcolepsy. Or. You know. Before. She did all that before... this." He stops talking.

"Interesting," Axel says. "How about in the past couple days?" His tone is light. Sora appreciates that.

"Dawn," Sora says, with a shrug. "No more sleepiness all day, either."

"We're going to have to get you to a doctor soon," Axel says. "Even if you're fine, you're a case study I'm sure they'd love to get their hands on. I've never heard of anyone who started bending this late."

Sora shrugs. There is a lull in the conversation, during which Axel sits up and drags himself to his feet.

"So," Axel says. "I have a couple classes today, both in the morning. And we'll need to eat some breakfast first."

Sora's stomach does feel kind of empty. As if on cue, it growls loudly.

Axel rummages through his fridge. "Leftover rice?" he offers. "I could fry it up with some egg and sausage. Sorry, I don't cook much when it's just me. Not a lot in here."

Sora has been a vegetarian all his life. That's just what airbenders _do_ , what Mom and the rare other airbender he met expected. He's never seriously considered eating meat before- being vegetarian was a way to be connected to being an Air Nomad, and he'd always felt that connection was weak otherwise, with his bending so anemic and the air temples so far away.

His pause is longer than he means it to be. But finally he says, "That sounds good. Thanks."

_Sora_ doesn't eat meat. _Roxas_ is a firebender, not an airbender. There's no reason he can't try some.

Sora cleans himself up a little while Axel cooks. His hair is a disaster. He dampens his hands and runs them through the tangles, which makes it stick up a little less but doesn't do much else. He digs up his toothbrush from his bag and brushes his teeth, because his mouth feels super gross, and he changes into clean clothes.

By the time he's done, breakfast is almost ready. He takes a turn at the stove for a minute so that Axel can use the bathroom. The sausage smells weird, but not bad. Sora pokes at it suspiciously with the spatula until Axel gets back.

They sit down to eat. Axel digs in. Sora pokes at the sausage with his chopsticks a little, then breaks off a little piece to try. It's flavorful, heavily spiced. The rice and eggs mostly absorbed the grease from the sausage, so it all has flavor. He's not sure if he actually likes it, but it's not as weird as he expected. He eats it all, and if Axel notices that he's picking at it a little, he doesn't comment.

They clean up the meal, and Axel ducks into the bathroom again, this time to shower. Sora sits on the couch again, and pulls out the firebending textbook Axel had given him yesterday. He figures, now's as good a time as any to make sure he doesn't burn down the building in his sleep.

The first few pages seem to be copied from two different books. The first is a brief history of the Sun Warriors and how discusses how firebending techniques all come from dragons originally. The other, right after the Sun Warriors history, is a waterbending healer's text, of all things. The images show different chi pathways and chakras. The text, which he skims, doesn't seem to be the point. It's pretty obvious that Axel copied the pictures and only incidentally got some text from the same pages. Sora looks at the drawings, and thinks, is he supposed to be able to feel those paths individually? He's not sure he has that level of detailed insight into his own chi. He closes his eyes, breathes, feels the energy flow inside of him. He thinks, is chi the same thing as the electricity in nerves? He doesn't think it's exactly the same.

If firebending is chi extended outward, made into fire, what is airbending? Sora knows how to airbend, but he's never really thought about how it works. But thinking about airbending makes him think about Mom, and he doesn't want to do that right now. So he opens his eyes and goes back to the book.

There are meditation exercises and bending forms next. Sora skims them a bit, but he doesn't have time to read through them in detail, because Axel walks out of the bathroom then, hair wrapped in a towel. He's dressed in fresh clothing.

"I have to run to class soon," he tells Sora. He rummages through a drawer, then tosses Sora a keychain with a couple keys on it. "Spare keys, in case you need to get out of here for a bit. I know it's kinda small. Just don't get lost. I'll be back around noon. Will you be okay until then?"

"I'll be fine," Sora says.

Axel heads out. Sora decides a not long after that that he'll explore the neighborhood for a bit. He grabs a little of his money, then checks which key locks the door. He notes the apartment number so that he can find his way back, then heads out himself.

The apartment building is across from a pharmacy and a cafe. Sora's not hungry yet, though, so neither of those are useful to him. He walks around the block. There are a few restaurants and a small electronics store nearby, as well as a lot more apartment buildings. There is also a library down the street, and a park across from that.

He ends up killing time at the library, which has a few computers available. He doesn't dare log in to any of his own accounts, but he makes a new email address and emails Kairi and Riku a brief message.

_A lot has happened in the past couple days. My mom lost her marbles and I had to get out of there. It's a long story, one I'm not comfortable telling over email. I'm somewhere safe, but I might be out of touch for a while. I won't be checking replies to this email address, but I wanted to let you both know that I'm okay._

He also uses maps on the computer to get a feel for where he is. Axel's apartment is a little further from Sora's house than the dojo. They're practically on campus at Republic City University, which is the university Riku goes to- and, now that Sora thinks about it, probably the one Axel goes to.

Sora frowns. How far away from here does Riku live? He doesn't remember Riku's dorm's address off the top of his head, but when he zooms in on maps to look at the campus, he finds a familiar dorm name. It's just across campus. Sora could walk there, if he wanted.

Part of him wants to run to Riku immediately. He's missed Riku for the couple months of the school year, and no matter how busy Riku's become, how bad they both are at responding to texts, Sora knows Riku would be glad to see him.

But he doesn't know if Riku would say something to Mom. And Sora can't go home.

In fact, he realizes with a sinking feeling, Riku being so close is a problem. What if he goes out to eat at a restaurant near Axel's, or goes to the pharmacy, or does one of a million different things that will take him this way, and sees Sora?

Sora needs a disguise. Something that will make him unrecognizable, at least at a distance.

He looks up a couple more things online, then heads back towards Axel's apartment. There's still well over an hour before Axel comes back. He detours into the pharmacy for a minute to buy a couple things on the way.

Sora's hair is probably his most recognizable feature, a little longer than average and usually a mess. It doesn't look horrible if he adds a little gel to it, but he's usually too lazy.

The easiest thing would be to dye it a darker color, to blend in a bit better. Sora's hair is already fairly light, which is uncommon. But Sora doesn't want to blend in, not exactly. He just wants to look like someone else. Someone more adventurous, someone who isn't trying to hide.

There are instructions on the box of hair bleach, and Sora does his best to follow them. It doesn't seem hard. The results, after letting it sit for twenty minutes, aren't bad. After he's rinsed it out, his hair is definitely lighter. It kind of looks like he's been out in the sun- his hair does that, gets a little lighter by the end of summer. But the effect is more intense than the sun has ever been. He towels his hair mostly dry.

The problem is, he still looks like Sora. His hair is just lighter- it's going to be the same shape it was before. He has to cut it a little shorter if he wants to look like a different person. But he doesn't want to pay for a haircut, not when he's relying on a supply of cash he has no way to replenish.

How hard can it be to cut it himself? He finds some scissors and experimentally cuts off a small piece. It lands in the sink and sticks to the damp basin. Yeah, this is fine.

A few minutes later, he has deep regrets. Why did he think this would be easy? It is not fine.

That's when Axel comes in with a bag of groceries, takes a look at the mess Sora has made of his bathroom, and then at Sora's hair, and bursts out laughing.

Sora glares.

"Sorry," Axel says. "You look like you fought a lawnmower and lost." He sets down his bag and takes off his shoes. "Want a hand?"

Axel is able to get fix Sora's hair, though it means taking off a little more than Sora was aiming for. "I'm not a professional," Axel says. "It's not perfect. But hey, at least I can see the back of your head. Why did you decide to chop off your hair, anyway?"

"I realized a friend of mine lives nearby," Sora explains. "A student at the university. I got worried that if he saw me, even from a distance, he'd call my mom."

"So it's a disguise," Axel says, looking over Sora's hair appraisingly one last time. "Well, not bad. The color suits you."

Sora cleans up the mess he made in the bathroom. Axel puts away the groceries, which had been lying forgotten by the door for a while. Then they go to lunch. Axel says there's a great noodle place nearby, only a few blocks away.

"I have a friend meeting us there," Axel mentions as they walk. Axel has long legs, and Sora is a little short. He's having trouble keeping up. A little burst of airbending would come in really handy right now. But he can't. "Remember how I said you should see a doctor? Well, I don't know how to get you to one right now. But Xion is the next best thing."

"Uh," Sora says, trying not to convey how not on board with this plan he is. "Great."

Axel slows down a little, which is good because Sora isn't sure how long he could have kept up that pace. "You sound nervous," Axel says.

Sora isn't sure how to explain. It's not about anything recent. He's pretty sure no one will be able to tell he's the Avatar just by examining him. It's not even that he's scared of hospitals or doctors, though he's sure it looks that way to anyone who's seen him in a doctor's office. There's something about medical settings that puts him on edge, is all. Everything from the smell of disinfectant to the insistent beeping of heart rate monitors seems perfectly calibrated to freak him out.

"Not a fan of doctors," Sora mumbles, a little embarrassed.

"Xion is just a student," Axel says. "She's not even pre-med. She's just a waterbender, a healer."

All the tension goes out of Sora at once. "Oh," he says. "That's fine, then. My friend Kai- My friend is a healer."

Axel gives him an amused look. "Don't trust me with your friends' names?" he asks.

Sora flushes. "Sorry. Her name is Kairi. She's been my friend since we were both little kids." He realizes he's slowed down even more- they're barely strolling. He picks up the pace a little. "It came in handy a lot when Riku and I would spar. We weren't supposed to. Mom was worried he'd break my bones earthbending or something, I guess. But Kairi would patch us up so that we didn't get in trouble."

"Sounds like you had a pretty sheltered childhood," Axel says neutrally. "I mean, until your mom lost it."

Sora shrugs. "I guess? Why, what are your parents like?"

"Shitty," Axel says. His words are negative, but his tone is neutral, bordering on cheerful. "Mom disappeared when I was seven, and Dad didn't really want kids. I ended up moving in with my aunt when I was nine. She's nice enough. You know, fed me, put a roof over my head and all that. There are kids who've dealt with worse."

"I'm sorry," Sora says.

Axel makes a dismissive noise. "I was a shithead. She put up with a lot, was nicer than I deserved. I even joined a gang at one point. I was lucky I never got arrested- almost everyone else did."

Sora isn't sure what to say to that.

"Anyway," Axel says. For once, it's him that looks awkward, but it's only a moment before he forces a smile that looks almost genuine. "Noodles!"

They walk in and Axel drags Sora to a table where a girl with dark hair and blue eyes is already seated. She looks a little young to be in college, but hey, maybe she just has a youthful face. She smiles when they approach. "You must be Roxas," she says.

"Yeah," Sora says, sitting across from her. "Xion, right?"

She nods. "Nice to meet you. We can chat about the waterbending business in a bit. First," she says, looking at Axel, " _someone_ promised me a nice big lunch. I'm ordering enough for leftovers. You might actually regret this."

Axel laughs.

There's a gap in the conversation while they all figure out what to order. Sora is determined to pick something with meat in it, but none of the dishes with meat in them sound appealing. He ends up deciding on a bowl of miso ramen. It might have fish broth in it, maybe. But he isn't going to ask one way or the other.

Once they order, Xion and Axel talk about classes for a bit. It's not a conversation Sora can really join in on, but he doesn't mind being mostly quiet, asking a question now and then. Xion and Axel are both freshman. He'd known Axel was majoring in teaching, but didn't know that he had a second major in history. Xion isn't sure what to major in, but has been taking into classes in a few different majors to find out what she likes. They are both very focused on school, much more than Sora has ever been.

"What about you, Roxas?" Xion asks. "Axel's told me a little about you, but not nearly enough."

Sora shrugs awkwardly. "I mean- there's not a lot to tell. I'm trying to figure things out right now." Keeping his voice low, in case someone overhears, he says, "I kind of... left home. Yesterday."

Xion's gaze is sympathetic. "Axel told me about his adventure to go get you last night. He's rescued me before, too. Parents can be shitty."

Sora isn't sure what to say to that. Isn't sure how to explain that Mom isn't shitty, that the situation is what's shitty. But the situation is that he's the Avatar, and he isn't going to tell anyone that ever again. He settles for a shrug and digging back in to his noodles.

Seeming to sense that the conversation has gotten too heavy, Axel tries to steer them back to lighter subjects. Nodding at the TV in the corner of the restaurant, he says, "Have you been watching the news at all? The White Lotus says that they think they've narrowed down the new Avatar's location to the Republic city metro area. Kind of cool, right?"

Sora chokes on his noodles. The next minute or two involves a lot of coughing, along with Axel clapping him on the back while Xion tries to tell him that that isn't actually helpful.

By the time he catches his breath again, everyone else has forgotten about Axel's attempt to change the subject. Xion and Axel chat more about a class they're both in. But Sora hasn't forgotten.

If the White Lotus finds him, that's better than Mom finding him. He can't explain to them how he's the Avatar, but maybe they'll be able to figure it out. And they won't be willing to do anything that endangers him. They'll do their best to keep him safe.

_They didn't keep Ventus safe._ The thought floats across his mind as if from somewhere else. He can't say if it's true. Sora doesn't know much about Avatar Ventus, really. The world is pretty peaceful these days- the Avatar doesn't have as big a role to play as in the past. Ventus hadn't done all that much. He'd stayed out of the public eye, mostly, until a car accident had briefly made him newsworthy by nearly killing him. He'd spent a couple years after that in a coma, until the White Lotus allowed him to pass away, only days ago.

Sora thinks for a moment. Is it possible that Ventus _had_ died much earlier? He'd tried to bring that possibility up to Kairi, but he'd been nervous and had been telling the story all out of order. He's not sure she even registered it as a real theory.

And besides that, Sora knows Ventus died at the moment the White Lotus said he did- that's when Sora passed out, when things had started getting weird.

Sora doesn't know what happened to Ventus. And he doesn't know why the White Lotus would lie, if Ventus died years ago, when Sora was born. They're certainly acting like Ventus died recently, looking for the Avatar now instead of when Sora was a baby.

Maybe the White Lotus doesn't know any more than Sora does. That's a real and very scary possibility. Maybe they're really looking for a baby. But when they find Sora instead, what will they think?

Sora is quiet through the rest of the meal. Xion tries to apologize for bringing up heavy topics- "If you're not ready to talk about your mom, you don't have to, and I'm sorry for pushing-" but Sora just distractedly shrugs it off.

"It's fine."

They decide to go back to Axel's, because Xion lives in the dorms. "We could try to do some healing work in the dorm bathroom," she says with a smile as Axel pays for their lunch, "but I think it'll be more comfortable for everyone if I can just use the sink at Axel's."

Sora laughs a little at that, which seems to break the tension a little.

If he wants to figure out the Avatar stuff, to figure out _himself_ , he can't rely on anyone - not the White Lotus and certainly not Mom- to figure out everything for him and present it to him gift-wrapped with a bow on top. But he can accept _some_ help.

Axel and Xion seem like good people, and want to help him because he's in need. They've already shown him that they're trustworthy, after a very short time.

If Xion's healing can tell him anything, he'll take the information gladly. He needs to know more about himself. But it's not fair to keep taking their help without telling them anything about himself. They think they're just helping a runaway. But Sora has a strong hunch that being the Avatar isn't safe, that eventually things around him are going to get dangerous. And they deserve to know what he is before that happens.

It doesn't have to be today. But soon.


	6. Day 03, 1:35 PM

Either Xion's healing feels different that Kairi's, or Sora himself is different than last time Kairi healed him. He'd bet money on the second possibility. "It kind of tickles," he tells Xion, while she holds her hands over the top of his head, then his forehead, glowing water covering just her fingertips. "Is that supposed to happen?"

Xion hushes him, frowning. Sora doesn't like that frown, but he does his best to stay quiet for a minute to let her concentrate.

Finally, she moves on from his head, briefly touching his throat, heart, and stomach before pulling away. Sora recognizes those as some of his chakras, but doesn't know what she's doing.

"Your chi is really weird," she tells him. "I'm not a professional healer, but I've healed a couple dozen people at least. There are paths that chi is supposed to follow in the body. Deviations can happen, but on the whole one person's energy looks like another's."

"Oh?" Axel says. "Interesting. What's unusual about Roxas here?"

"Everything," Xion says. "Your chakras are in the right places, Roxas. But everything else is a mess. I'm honestly not sure how you're alive."

Sora hadn't expected that. "What?"

"Think of it like veins," Xion says. "Your energy has paths it can follow, just like your blood does. Your blood needs to go from your heart to your lungs, back to your heart, and then through all your veins before looping back. If it took some other path, you'd probably die. Your chi does similar things, moving from chakra to chakra but also along smaller paths to your limbs and organs. But your chi isn't running down the normal paths, except maybe in a couple places by coincidence."

"Can you fix that?" Axel asks.

Xion shakes her head. "If I mess with it, I'm worried I'll make it worse. Whatever is going on is working, somehow. A half-fix might be worse than nothing. And I'm not sure how to alter the paths permanently, even if that was safe. Maybe if you flooded the correct paths with chi? But you'd need a whole team of healers to do that, and the problems is the same- we couldn't do it all at once." She shakes her head again. "I don't understand how this could happen. Chi paths are a natural interaction between your body and soul. They shouldn't be able to just _go wrong_."

Sora has an idea of what might be wrong. He doesn't want to think about Mom building up the connection between his body and soul. Not right now. But he has a feeling that's what caused this. She did it wrong.

"Anyway," Xion says. "No wonder it took you so long to firebend. You're lucky you can bend at all. The way your chi is flowing is really inefficient. If you weren't so energetically strong, there's no way you could firebend."

Sora goes very still. He feels like Xion just handed him a puzzle piece, one he hadn't known was even missing. "Oh?"

"Yeah," Xion says. "Firebending takes a lot of chi. It's the most energetically expensive element to bend. If you burn up all your chi just staying alive, bending isn't possible."

"What about other kinds of bending?" Sora asks. "What's the least 'expensive' one?"

Xion shrugs. "Depends what you're doing. Earthbending can be low-energy if you're not actually chucking huge rocks around. Waterbending isn't too bad if you avoid changing phases- liquid water to ice, that kind of thing. I guess airbending would be low-energy as long as you weren't flying or making a tornado or something. But good luck finding an airbender who'll tell you anything about their bending."

Sora frowns. "Airbenders aren't secretive. That's a stereotype."

"How many have you met?" Axel asks with a chuckle.

Sora thinks for a second. "A couple hundred?" he hazards. "I mean, I don't remember all their names anymore."

Axel's eyebrows shoot up. "Are there even that many airbenders in the United Republic?"

"My mom is an Air Nomad," Sora says, blinking. "We went to the Northern Air Temple every time I had a break from school when I was a kid. Up until I was nine. Did I not mention that?"

"You didn't mention," Axel says. "You said your mom wanted to drag you up there, but I thought that was to tell me how crazy she was. I guess that explains some stuff, though. Airbenders are kinda crazy about passing on their bending. If you're a firebender instead, she must be upset."

"Not that it justifies her reaction," Xion adds.

Sora shakes all of that off. He has a thought, though he's half-lost it now. "So airbending is lower energy," he says slowly. He can't voice the rest of that thought, but he can't think through it without voicing it. Sora has always needed to talk through things to really understand them. "Airbenders almost never have non-bending kids," he says. "Is that related? Are nonbenders just people who don't have enough chi to bend? And since it's easier to airbend, more people can do it?"

Xion shrugs. "That's a theory. Not a bad one- I've heard it before. It's probably at least part of the puzzle. Of course, most Air Nomads would tell you it's all about spiritual connection."

"Can chi get stronger?" Sora asks, side-stepping the whole spiritual talk for the moment. "Is it something that you can work on?"

"You can work on anything, at least to an extent," Xion says. "Why? You've barely started training in firebending. It's a little early to worry about power. You're not a pro-bender or anything."

"I'm not worried about the future. I'm wondering about the past. Did Axel tell you when I started firebending?"

Xion looks at Axel curiously. "He said you hadn't had lessons."

"I started firebending three days ago," Sora says.

"That's... _really_ late," Xion says. She looks thoughtful. "Maybe I have it wrong. Maybe you're not burning energy because your chi is twisted up. Maybe your suppressed firebending needed some outlet so you didn't explode or something, and your chi twisted up to burn off as much as you can safely."

Sora shakes his head. "Maybe... but I have another question. What happens if you don't have _enough_ chi?"

Xion is obviously bemused. "What, planning on becoming a healer? If your chi isn't strong enough, you can't bend- we already covered that. But if it's less than that, things start to slow down. Your organs, your mind, your emotions. There are whole charts to pinpoint blockages in chi flow and unblock them. For healers, but also acupuncturists. I doubt they'd be much use in your case, but on the _average_ human you can figure out what's wrong where."

Sora is quiet for a moment. He's trying to put pieces together, and he almost has it.

"If someone had weak chi," he says, thinking out loud. "And then it became much stronger all of a sudden- they might start firebending. Suddenly."

Axel and Xion both look puzzled. But Sora barrels on. "And they might get smarter, suddenly, if their chi isn't having issues reaching their brain anymore. And uh, maybe they'd have trouble managing their emotions and blow up at their mom a couple times. While they get used to it. Hypothetically."

"Hypothetically," Axel says, "that makes sense. But why did this _totally-hypothetical_ person's chi get stronger suddenly?"

"That's what I don't know," Sora says. He feels a stab of guilt about that- he's not telling the whole story, still. He can't tell them he's the Avatar. He wants to. But he can't bring himself to say anything about it.

Xion says, "I can do some research. But the things I can think of off the top of my head just don't fit. Unless you've been touched by a spirit or something- which I think you'd remember- chi doesn't just increase overnight." She pulls out her phone, though. "The healing scrolls I need are all online, at least. They don't let people touch them in person anymore. The paper is too delicate."

Sora frowns. "A spirit," he says. "I mean- I passed out, earlier that day. But I don't remember any dreams or anything." And he's already the Avatar. Somehow. So how would being spirit-touched even work? The Avatar _is_ a spirit. Or part spirit. Or something.

"You passed out," Axel says. He shakes his head. "Well, I'm glad we got Xion to look at you."

"My mom said I just stood up too fast," Sora says, shrugging. "I mean, I did hit my head-"

(Xion's turn to frown, now.)

"- but not hard. Anyway, that's when everything started going weird," Sora finishes, trailing off a little.

Xion insists on checking Sora's head _again_ with healing water, after that. "You do have a bit of a bruise," she says. "I missed it earlier. But it's nothing serious- no concussion or anything. I can heal it now."

She does. The conversation kind of dies down after that. Xion goes back to her dorm- "I have a current events paper due tomorrow," she says. "Time to write fast!"- and it's just Axel and Sora again.

"I have to get to work soon," Axel says. "At the dojo. If you tag along, we can get some practice in afterwards."

Sora likes the sound of that. He grabs the book Axel made for him, and they walk together towards the dojo.

"So you teach little kids," Sora says. "I mean, usually. When you're not teaching me. That's cool."

"Yeah," Axel says. "Some of them are kinda spoiled, but they're all good kids, deep down. Some of them deeper down than others," he adds with a laugh. "I like to think that firebending lessons teach them empathy. And responsibility- that's the selling point to their parents. I mean, that and they need training so they don't set the house on fire by accident."

"Did you have lessons like that as a kid?"

Axel laughs, a little bitter. "Nah. I made do with what I got at school as a kid, which wasn't much. Enough to keep me from hurting anyone on accident, not much more. I wasn't much of a bender until I joined up with the Organization."

"Is that the gang you were part of?"

"Yeah. I mean, we didn't start off that way, or at least I didn't know... it doesn't matter. Yeah, that was the gang. We sparred a lot, got in fights with other gangs even more often. I picked up fighting fast, had to teach myself other things on my own, later. Learning that's what saved me, eventually. I mean, it was still mostly luck that got me this job. I was just young enough to be part of a youth rehabilitation program, and they put me in contact with the dojo owner. He took a chance on me. I owe him one. But if I hadn't been a good firebender, no amount of luck would have saved me."

"And so you teach kids now," Sora said. "And you like teaching, right? It's not just a rehabilitation thing."

"I do like it," Axel says. "No one was more surprised by that than me. And the kids I teach keep winning firebending tournaments, so I have to be doing something right."

"There are tournaments?"

"What, the Air Nomads don't have that?"

Sora shakes his head. "Bending is a spiritual gift and shouldn't be wasted on sports or competition, only used to better the world," he says, his voice doing a sort of sing-songy thing from over-repetition as a kid. "I had to write that a hundred times as a punishment when I was eight. I distracted the other kids from their studies, apparently. The Northern Air Temple was so boring." He hadn't even been able to bend, himself, yet, then. Even airbending. That hadn't happened for the first time until later that year. He'd caused all kinds of trouble even without bending, though.

He and Mom hadn't actually made it back to the Northern Air Temple since then. They'd celebrated some holidays on Air Temple Island with any other Air Nomads that were in the city, but they'd never gone back to the Northern Air Temple.

They arrive at the dojo. There isn't really a break room for Sora to wait in. He ends up sitting at the front desk while Axel sets up. He directs a couple of early kids back to the training room.

"Are you the instructor's assistant?" one child's guardian (grandmother?) asks him.

"Just a friend of his," Sora says with an awkward smile. "We have plans after this."

She nods. "Well, good. That young man is too serious. A date with a nice young man will do him good."

Sora opens his mouth to protest, but she's already walking to the door, apparently satisfied. He closes his mouth and shakes his head a little. He's kind of glad that Axel didn't hear that.

Sora reads while Axel teaches the kids. At first he's kind of distracted by the sounds of kids shouting and Axel talking (and singing?) to them to recapture their attention. But then he decides to try one of the meditation exercises from the book, one that doesn't involve any actual fire. Slowly, the noises become background, unimportant. They're still there, but he doesn't need to focus on them.

_Fire is life_ , the book says. _Focus on the life around you. Even in a city far from any park, there are people in buildings near you, plants in windowsills, pigeon-doves outside. See if you can sense the fire around you._

Sora tries. The fires in the training room are easy to sense. The kids are throwing fire balls into the air, letting them fizzle out before they reach the ground. He thinks Axel is juggling his own fire. That's cool, but Sora thinks he's supposed to be sensing things other than literal fire.

He turns his attention away from the training room. Maybe if there isn't actual fire where he's looking, he'll have an easier time finding something more subtle.

The street outside isn't a busy one, but there are still a few people walking past. Sora isn't sure how he knows that, until he realizes, oh, there _is_ fire in them, isn't there? It's diffuse, but there.

His awareness drifts farther, expanding to encompass not just the street right outside the building but further down the road. People are walking, some alone, some in pairs or groups. He doesn't know where any of them are going, wouldn't be able to say what they looked like, but he can feel where they are.

And then, for a second, he's zoomed even farther out, looking at Republic City from above and below and inside all at once, and the movement of the people below/above/around him is like fireflies, a million lights seemingly suspended in midair, and there is fire deep below as well, where the earth is hot and moves in waves like slow-motion water.

It only lasts a second, or a fraction of a second. At least, it feels like just a second. And then Sora is being shaken and he opens his eyes to see Axel standing over him, looking at him with concern. "Roxas?"

Right. He's sitting in the firebending dojo. He'd been meditating.

"Did I fall asleep?" Sora asks. He stretches, muscles feeling weird and tight. He'd been sitting still too long.

"Yeah," Axel says. "You sleep like the dead. I was shaking you for a while."

Sora frowns. "I was trying to meditate," he says. "I guess I drifted off."

"Do I need to get Xion to look at you again?" Axel asks.

Sora shakes his head. "No, I'm fine. I was just having a weird dream, I think."

Axel picks the book up from the desk. "Oh, this meditation," he says. "That's kind of advanced, sensing fire you're not actively controlling. I'm not sure why I even stuck this in here. It definitely shouldn't be in the beginning. Sorry, no wonder you fell asleep."

"Oh," Sora says. Now that he knows what to look for, he can still feel the fire in Axel, radiating from his chakras, warm. "I guess I thought it was more abstract than that. Like, the life inside people?"

Axel laughs. "Maybe if you're a fire sage or something. I certainly don't have the spiritual sense to see something like that."

"Oh," Sora says again, and laughs awkwardly. "Yeah," he agrees, though he's not sure what he's agreeing with.

Axel takes Sora back to the practice room, and they run through some more practical firebending, a few of the basic katas they'd started working on yesterday, which Sora goes through clumsily, then with increasing grace and confidence. He's still far from perfect. Axel takes a minute here and there to correct Sora's stance, to move his elbow closer to his body with a gentle touch. Sora is weirdly aware of where Axel is standing, though he's not sure if it's because he can't help but sense Axel's inner fire, or because he's still thinking about the old woman who'd assumed they were dating.

Sora hasn't ever dated anyone. He's never wanted to, not really. He'd thought as a kid that he might marry Kairi, but that was kid stuff. He wonders, suddenly, if that was another thing that was due to his chi being weird. Or is Axel just hot? Sora has never noticed whether people were hot before, but he thinks Axel might be. He stumbles in the kata he's going through, and sighs.

_Now isn't the time_ , he thinks, a little wistfully. _Not with all the Avatar stuff going on._

"You're doing well," Axel tells him encouragingly. Sora "You're faster than my other students, anyway."

Sora makes a face. "I mean, I'd hope I'm a faster learner than a five-year-old." But the compliment still feels nice, not like Axel was trying to tease him.

They do a couple new katas, which Sora is immediately terrible at. That's fine. Sora doesn't expect to be good at this right away. He's had a lot of practice being bad at things.

When Sora starts to make the same mistakes a few times in a row, Axel calls it. "I know we're both tired. And _I_ didn't get a nap." He digs his stuff out of the front desk where he'd left it, and they start to walk back to his place.

Sora is still wondering how unusual it is that he can sense fire around him after one session of meditation. Is it an Avatar thing? It's not like anyone handed him a user's manual with his Avatar powers.

He wishes being the Avatar made learning firebending easier.

"Huh," Axel says, checking his phone as they walk.

Sora looks up questioningly.

"Xion sent me a link," Axel says. "News article. Apparently there's been a missing kid reported." He hands over his phone. "Picture looks a lot like you."

Sora takes the phone, sees his school picture from last year. "Ugh," he says. "I hate this picture. Of course this is what Mom gave them."

He skims the rest of the article. It's more detailed than he'd expect from an article about a runaway. "Why is this in the Republic City Times? Don't they have something better to report?"

And then he gets to the end.

"Grandson of Ansem the Wise, the de-facto leader of the Air Nomads and head of the Northern Air Temple," he says, reading out loud and looking at the picture. "Wait, that's my grandfather? Uh, it says I'm potentially the heir to that position, that's not right..."

"It also says you're an airbender," Axel says, which just about gives Sora a heart attack. "I wouldn't take any of what they say too seriously, _Sora_."

Sora makes a face, trying to disguise how nervous he is about all that. "Don't call me that. Someone might hear you."

Axel looks around at the empty street pointedly. "Of course, your _eventual de-facto-ness_." Axel's tone is teasing, but Sora can tell there's a little hurt in there, too.

"I've never met him," Sora says. "I wasn't sure what his _name_ was until now. He and Mom had a fight, I think. Maybe a couple fights. We never talked about him. She did call him to tell him I was possessed- I overheard that. So they're working on their relationship. Isn't it nice when family supports each other like that?"

Axel shrugs. "I'm more worried about the fact that your disappearance could cause an international incident."

"Let them have an incident," Sora says, even more bitterly than he intended. He glances back at the phone screen, and groans. "There's a reward for anyone who helps find me. Great."

He hands the phone back to Axel, then pulls the hood of his hoodie up, trying to hide in it. Axel tugs it back down. "Who reads the news these days? Besides Xion- she's got a current events class, so she has an excuse. Besides, you look more suspicious with your hood up than down."

They make it back to Axel's, where the elevator is still broken, and climb the stairs up.

"You didn't tell me your real name," Axel says, when they get into the apartment. "What's up with that?"

Sora doesn't have the energy for this. He just wants to sleep. But he musters it up anyway. "It's a nickname. It's what I called myself online for a long time. I like it."

This doesn't seem to satisfy Axel, so Sora adds, "I won't lie, at first it was just convenient. But after a while, it felt like a chance to reinvent myself. To be someone new. You didn't know me before a few days ago. When I asked about the low-chi thing, you know that wasn't actually hypothetical. But I don't know if I managed to convey how much it sucked. I've failed so many classes, missed so much school being sick on top of that. And it wasn't just school. I would forget to do things, fall asleep when I didn't mean to... I couldn't rely on myself for anything. I felt like I was sleepwalking _all the time_ , and suddenly I'm awake. I'm _alive_."

He takes a breath. "So yeah, I gave you a fake name. But the longer I'm not half-asleep, the more it feels like a new name really fits better. Like I'm, I don't know, more than 'Sora' ever was."

Axel is still quiet. Sora adds, hesitantly, "And you're the first person who called me Roxas. So that's special."

"You're a dork," Axel tells him, after a moment. "You're lucky you're so damnably earnest. I can't be mad at you, it would be like being mad at a puppy."

"Ugh," Sora says. "I'll take it, I guess."

"What, you don't like being cute?" Axel teases.

Sora doesn't, though he can't articulate why exactly. He just makes a face at Axel, who laughs.

The tension is broken. Sora thinks, he still has to tell Axel he's the Avatar.

That will have to wait until tomorrow, though. He's too tired for that conversation tonight. He mumbles a goodnight to Axel and collapses onto the couch, asleep within minutes.

* * *

In Sora's new email account, which he's already forgotten about, there are a few emails. Kairi has sent a bunch of worried messages, telling him to call her. She doesn't specify why, just that she's "figured it out" and needs to talk to him.

Riku's only sent one message.

_Your mom called me. We're all really worried. She says that you ran away from home after the two of you had an argument. I think she filed a missing person report. She never said what the argument was about._

_Call me, okay? I know we haven't chatted much lately, but you're still my best friend. I won't call your mom unless you tell me to, especially if something bad is happening between you two. I want to keep you safe. We can figure it out together._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS I FUCKED UP. I talked this fic out with my roommate, also a huge AtLA and KH nerd. Originally I had Ventus as the earth Avatar, since my timeline puts him right after Korra. But that makes no sense with the KH characters (Since Ventus's name means WIND, why did I decide Windy McWindFace was an EARTHbender??), and the timeline I have doesn't allow me to insert nameless Avatars in between without major adjustments. This may not seem like a huge deal now, but the Avatar Cycle caused other issues down the line that I hadn't thought about until my roommate brought them up.
> 
> SO! Here's how I'm fixing it. I've decided that when Korra broke the Avatar cycle and reunited the spirit and physical worlds, she inadvertently reversed the Avatar Cycle. So Ventus was the Avatar after Korra, and he was an air Avatar. Next in line after him is still fire. Learning the elements also goes in reverse order, so for example an air Avatar would learn air, then fire, then earth, then water.
> 
> Since there's only been one Avatar since the cycle reversed, common knowledge hasn't caught up. Most people don't know much about Ventus- just that he was the Avatar.


	7. Day 04, 5:13 AM

Sora wakes up with the sun again, but he's starting to get used to that. Axel is awake too, but hiding under a pillow trying futilely to grab a few last minutes of sleep. Sora bothers him long enough to ask if he can borrow a towel- the one hanging by the shower is clean, Axel claims- and goes to take a shower. This involves using Axel's shampoo and soap, both of which smell really nice- kind of woodsy, with a little bit of cinnamon or something. The shampoo bottle says the scent is called Manly Armadillo-Tiger, and Sora's not sure if that's some kind of joke or way too serious. Either way, he has questions.

Sora thinks, it's nice that Axel has let him use all his stuff. He didn't have to do all of this for Sora- didn't have to do _any_ of it.

Sora will have to figure out a way to pay him back. One day. But for now, he's just grateful.

Axel is up when Sora gets out of the bathroom, and apparently doesn't have classes today.

"The dojo isn't open, either," he says. "Tuesdays and Thursdays we don't hold classes."

"So what do you usually do on Tuesdays?"

"Study," Axel says with a shrug. "Want to come to the library with me? I hate hanging out in my apartment. It gets claustrophobic really fast."

Sora could see how that would happen. "Sure," he says. "You're sure you don't mind me tagging along everywhere?"

Axel gives him a look Sora can't quite read. "You're not a bother. I like the company."

Sora isn't sure about that, but he decides to take Axel at his word.

They eat a quick breakfast and then head to the campus library- not the public library that Sora had been thinking of. It's early enough in the day that no one is manning the front desk, so Sora is able to slip in without having to show a student ID. Axel's favorite study alcove is a few floors up, tucked into a corner in the biography section where people don't often go.

They don't talk much that morning, really. Axel studies, and Sora reads over his firebending book some more. His attention drifts pretty fast, though. He ends up zoning out for a while, looking out the window at the increasingly sunny day. He daydreams for a while about how nice it would be to go flying on a day like today. But he can't- Axel still doesn't know he's an airbender, and even if he did, there's a reward for finding Sora right now. Airbending is rare, and will get him caught if he does it in public right now. He can't fly. Not until he figures out what to do, how to get out of this mess.

 _You're the Avatar_ , he thinks to himself. _You can't stay hidden forever._ And yeah, the thought of hiding for too much longer makes him sick to his stomach. But he doesn't know what else to _do_. He doesn't know who to trust.

Riku and Kairi, he thinks, hope and worry mixed in equal proportions. Kairi hadn't reacted to his firebending like Mom had. Of course, who knows what she thinks now that Sora disappeared. Who knows what Mom told her. And Riku... Riku has only heard anything from Mom.

Axel is trustworthy, Sora is sure of that. He'd rescued Sora in the middle of the night after knowing him for two days. He'd thought Sora was just some kid. And he's right about that- Sora isn't anything special. He _is_ just some kid, and he's in over his head.

He should just tell Axel. Several times over the next hour, he opens his mouth to tell him. But he finds himself pretending to yawn instead, the couple times Axel even notices Sora looking at him.

"I'm going to wander a bit," Sora says, finally, chickening out. "It's a big library. Looks kinda neat."

Axel nods absently, and Sora walks to the stairs.

The library is still pretty empty, even though it's well into the morning by now. Sora avoids as many of the people that are there as he can. He can't hide forever, sure, but he's not going to risk someone recognizing him from the paper for no good reason.

He goes up a flight of stairs, then another, and then he's on the highest floor of the building. There's a small balcony accessible from here, and he goes out onto it. The fresh air is nice. It's a hot day, but there's a cool breeze blowing into the city from the sea- Sora can smell the saltwater, distant but still there.

He sits on one of the two stone benches out here, then lies down on it, looking up at the sky. He's shaded from the sun here, and it's quiet, and for a moment he feels totally at peace.

"Come on, listen to me," he hears, faintly. Someone down on the street, maybe? But no, he's pretty sure he's too high up to hear that. He sits up again, and looks around. No one is here. It must have been someone down on the street after all. Maybe their voice carried on the wind.

"You don't believe that," the same voice says. It's a little clearer now, though he's still not sure where it's coming from. Honestly, he's having a hard time remembering what it sounded like, only seconds after hearing it.

"You're not _hearing_ anything," it says. "Sora!"

Okay, yeah, it's not a literal voice. It's like an impression of a voice, a memory of a voice. It's in Sora's head. So of course it knows his name. Sora's going crazy. Great.

"You're not crazy."

"Really reassuring, coming from a voice in my head," Sora mutters, facing away from the door back into the libary, just in case anyone sees him talking to himself.

"You're the Avatar," the voice says. "Get used to weird spirit stuff."

"You're a spirit?"

The reply isn't verbal, but he gets a weird impression/feeling of eyes rolling, almost like a fleeting impulse to roll his own eyes, which is super weird.

"My name's Ven," the voice- Ven- says. "I'm not sure what I'm doing here. I guess I'm dead."

Sora isn't sure how to respond to that. "Sorry?" he tries.

Another eye roll. "You wouldn't be here if I were alive. We're kind of the same person."

It clicks. " _Ven_ \- you're Avatar Ventus," Sora says.

"Yeah," Ven says. "I've been trying to get you to listen to me for _days_."

"I have so many questions," Sora says. "Like, how are you talking to me? How can I be the Avatar? Do all Avatars have super messed up chi paths, or is that a me thing?"

"The chi thing is weird," Ventus says. "And I don't know how I'm talking to you. I shouldn't be here. I should be part of you, available to be summoned as needed, not hanging out at the back of your head. You're the Avatar because I died, though, that part is pretty easy. I didn't think reincarnation was all that complicated a concept. "

Sora blinks. "You only died a few days ago, though."

Ven scoffs, or at least Sora gets an impression of scoffing. "Sure," he says. "I've only been awake a few days, and I haven't been lucid the whole of that time, but I've seen the date. It's been a lot longer than a few days since I died."

"It made the news, though. There was a car crash. You were in a coma for a couple years. They pulled the plug a few days ago."

Ventus's disbelief is palpable. The impression Sora gets of Ven shaking his head is so strong that Sora finds himself actually doing it for a second before he stops himself.

Sora wishes he had his phone. He could do a search, find the news articles. "Then what," he says. "You think the White Lotus made a mistake or something? They just started looking for me."

"I don't know," Ven says, and Sora can feel his own throat tightening in response to Ven's emotions. "But I know that I didn't make it to my _mid-thirties_. I'd just turned nineteen. We were celebrating that. That's the last thing I remember. I don't know how the night ended, how I died, but that's how it started."

Sora does some quick mental math. "Then you died right before I was born. That makes some sense. But then why..."

He trails off- he can hear the door back inside opening. He glances over.

"Axel," he says, trying not to look disappointed that his conversation with Ven has been interrupted.

"It's nice out," Axel says. "Makes sense that you came out here. I saw you looking out the window. Ready for lunch?"

Sora nods.

They walk back towards the apartment in relative silence. The sidewalk is a little crowded now, and Axel falls behind Sora for a moment.

"Everything okay?" Axel asks him, catching up with him again.

Sora just shrugs. "I just have a lot on my mind," he says. Like trying to listen to Ven, who has gone quiet again.

"You want to talk about it?"

Sora shakes his head. "I don't know. Maybe. You ever have a secret that you don't actually want to keep, but you can't seem to spit out?"

Axel seems to give it some thought. "I have secrets," he says. "Some bigger, some smaller. But no, when I want to tell someone something, I just do." He yawns. "Sometimes when I shouldn't."

They walk a little more. "Do you want me to try to guess?" Axel offers. "Would that make it easier?"

Sora laughs. "I don't think you're going to guess this one." The sidewalk is crowded again, and Axel falls behind Sora. They must have left the library right around the time some classes got out. Sora turns, walking backwards for a second, and says, "I'm barely sure I believe it myself."

He bumps into someone. "Whoops," he says, turning to face where he's going. "Sorry, I-"

He is facing Riku.

It takes them both a moment to register the other.

"Sora," Riku says. He reaches out, grabs Sora's arm, like he's not sure Sora is real and solid. He seems at a loss for words. That's fair- Sora is too.

Axel is behind Sora, though, and he says, "Hey, hands off."

Riku looks over Sora's head at Axel. "Who are you? Wait, aren't you in my history class? Why are you with-"

Sora feels kind of sick. He'd been found so _easily_. Riku is going to tell his mom where he is, or the police, and he'll be dragged to the Northern Air Temple. And this time, Mom won't let him escape.

Most of the crowd has thinned out now, hurried off to classes or dorms. Only a couple linger. Riku has let go of Sora's arm, but he's still staring, saying "Hey, are you okay?"

"I won't go back," Sora says. "I don't care what Mom told you, Riku, I can't-" Can't be _alone_ so far away, can't let some people he doesn't know try to touch his _soul_ , can't look at people who don't think he's even himself.

"Hey," Riku says. "It's gonna be fine, calm down, Sora-"

There are winds whipping the trees all along the block, Sora notices, in a way that's only half present. When had it gotten so windy? It's blowing his hair all around his face, too, and only getting stronger. Riku has twisted his feet in place so that earth engulfs his feet, keeping him from blowing away. Axel has moved, grabbed onto Riku's arm. They're both holding on to Sora.

Axel is calling him, too. "Roxas? Roxas! Sora!"

"I can't," Sora repeats, but he's having trouble talking, and Riku is trying to tell him... something. Axel is, too. Sora can't really tell what. He can hear them, but the sounds aren't turning into words in his brain, and the wind is rushing all around him, bits of leaves stinging his skin as they whip past, and he feels like he can't breathe no matter how much air he sucks in and out, and his knees are giving out so he lets himself slump down, kneeling. Things are easier down on the ground. The wind can't get him as easily. Riku has bent earth around Axel's feet, too, Sora notices, as he looks down.

"You're going to burn yourself out," Ven tells Sora, intelligible even though no one else is. "You're an okay airbender, but this is way too much. You're going to run out of steam any second now."

Sora doesn't know how to stop, though. He never knows how to stop. He wishes he could just catch his breath, that things would just be quiet for a minute.

Ven grumbles, "I guess I can help. That's what I'm here for."

The wind stops abruptly, and Sora's ears ring in the sudden silence. He hadn't realized it was so loud. He is breathing slowly again. Calmly. He still feels lightheaded but the feeling is fading slowly.,

"Give me a second," his mouth says, but it's not Sora talking. "I feel really dizzy."

"What just happened?" Axel asks. Oh good, Sora's brain has come back online.

"Sora just had a _meltdown_ ," Riku says. "You must be wiped, Sora- can you even stand? Can you hear me?"

"I can stand," Ven says, from Sora's mouth. He sounds a little robotic, but he's talking, and Sora's not sure he could do that right now. He'd be more upset about this whole body snatching thing, but he's still reeling. He thinks, that wind was him. He'd lost control again. Was close to passing out again. Last time had happened, it took days before he felt like himself again. But Ven had stopped it, this time. Had taken over and reigned in Sora's bending.

Turns out Ven is better at being Sora than Sora is, Sora thinks, and that makes his stomach feel weird even in the surreal detached state he's in.

Ven attempts to stand, and slumps back down. Okay, maybe he's not that great. Ha.

"We need to get him somewhere safe," Axel says. "You said you're not on his mom's side- you got a dorm room nearby? Somewhere we can hide him for a minute?"

Riku must nod or something- Ventus is still clutching Sora's head and looking at the ground- because next thing Sora knows he's being half-carried between Riku and Axel and into a nearby building. Ven is putting a heroic effort into trying to walk, but Sora's legs are jelly.

Riku's room is on the second floor, and getting up the stairs is too hard. Riku ends up doing a fireman carry to get Sora up there, and Ven doesn't even protest. He manages to unlock his door without setting Sora down, and then he sets Sora on his bed.

"Didn't have to carry me," Sora manages to mutter darkly. He sees a few posters on Riku's wall fluttering, though, and that's enough for him to start to freak out again. He's not trying to bend- he doesn't want to right now.

 _We're saving our strength,_ Ventus tells Sora silently. _You're really bad at it. Let me._ He pushes Sora aside, takes over again.

Axel looms in the doorway for a moment, then finds the light switch and flicks it on. He closes the door. "So," he says. "I have no idea what just happened."

"I think he had a panic attack," Riku says. "It's happened before, though not so, uh, dramatically. I've never seen him lose control that badly- he usually runs out of steam pretty quick."

"Yeah," Axel says. "I got that part. I'm the one who rescued him from his mom's place. I understand the panic. The part I'm stuck on is how he's an airbender."

Riku looks confused. "He's always been an airbender. I mean, I've never seen him panic and produce _gale force winds_ before, but-"

"Well," Axel says, looking over at Sora. "Anything you want to tell me? Or your friend here?"

Ven lets Sora do this one, at least. "I'm the Avatar," he manages, though it comes out more like a question than a statement.

Riku scoffs. "What?"

"I met Sora a few days ago," Axel says, looking at Sora with a puzzled expression. "He suddenly started firebending, and came to me for lessons. He neglected to tell me it was his second element." He gives Sora a dirty look, but it slides back into puzzled pretty fast.

Riku says, "Sora can't be the Avatar. He can barely bend air."

"Well, _that's_ obviously not true," Axel says. "He just about made a tornado in the middle of campus."

Riku is determined, though. "Avatar Ventus died, what, a week ago?"

"Sixteen years ago," Ventus says. "I don't know why everyone keeps getting that _wrong_."

"You have a source for that?" Riku asks. "Because that's not what the news says."

"I _am_ the source," Ventus mumbles. Sora can feel sleep tugging at both of them, but he fights it off just a little longer.

"It doesn't matter _how_ he's the Avatar," Axel says. "I've seen him bend both fire and air now. However it happened, it happened. Sora told me his mom wanted to exorcise him. I'm not a fan of that plan. I'm guessing your aren't, either."

Sora wants to hear the rest of this conversation, but he can't fight off sleep anymore. Ven has already gone quiet, and Sora isn't sure he wants to be awake on his own right now anyway.

 _Just for a minute_ , he thinks to himself.

* * *

Sora has dreams he's not sure later are his own. There's a being, and he can't see her but he can hear her. She's telling him that light can't destroy darkness, and darkness can't destroy light, and he's relaying this information to his friends.

"Is darkness that bad?" one of them asks. He's tall, and familiar, and Sora's brain doesn't even register what he looks like. Doesn't need to.

"Only if it wins," the being says. Her voice reminds Sora of how Ventus talked to him, earlier - more of an impression of a voice than an actual voice. She feels so familiar.

The scene shifts abruptly, and Sora is sitting alone in a room, meditating.

"Raava," Sora's mouth says, but it's Ventus's voice that comes out. "Avatar Korra destroyed Vaatu. But you said darkness can't be destroyed."

"Vaatu isn't gone," the same voice from before says. "Darkness exists in light, just as light exists in darkness."

Ventus makes a face. "So he's inside of us. Inside of you."

"In potential," Raava says. "Just as Korra saw the light in Vaatu, there is darkness in me. In 10,000 years, maybe he'll be reborn. But not in this lifetime."

Another shift, and Sora is sitting with Ventus on a hill, looking off into the night sky.

"I can't find her," Ventus says. He's staring ahead, looking into the darkness. "She's never been gone before."

"Who?" Sora asks.

"Raava," Ventus says, finally turning to look at Sora. "How can you not know about Raava?"

"There's a lot I don't know," Sora tries to explain. "Maybe you can show me?"

But Ventus just shakes his head, miserable.

After that, Sora's dreams are more normal. Anxious dreams about a test he's forgotten to study for, mostly. Ventus features, now that Sora knows what he looks like, but he's a classmate or sometimes a teacher, not the former Avatar. Not in Sora's head.

But there's a lingering sense of sadness, of something lost, that permeates the rest of his dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm officially behind on NaNoWriMo, but only by a few hundred words, so I'm optimistic that I can catch up. I was hoping to finish early (I wrote so much the first couple days that at one point the NaNo website claimed I would finish November 6!) but I guess that's not happening haha.
> 
> Anyway, hope you're enjoying this!


	8. Day 04, 7:34 PM

Sora wakes up in time to hear Riku and Axel having a hushed (but increasingly loud) conversation.

"The White Lotus let Avatar Ventus die," Riku is saying. "Maybe they were competent 150 years ago, but not these days. If they were, they'd have already found Sora on their own by now."

"What's the alternative? Let the Air Temples have him?"

"Don't let the Air Temples know where I am," Sora says, voice weaker than he intended.

"It's okay," Riku says soothingly. But that just upsets Sora more.

"You don't understand," Sora says, trying to find the words to explain. "It's not okay. Nothing is okay."

"You're burning up," Riku says neutrally. "I'm not a healer, but I know you've overexerted yourself before and needed medical attention. You used a lot more power this time than ever before, and it seems like more power just burns you out faster and harder."

"You have two choices," Axel adds. "We can try to contact the White Lotus, get them involved- or we can take you to any old hospital, not mention you're the Avatar, and the Air Temples will get involved all on their own."

Sora would do just about anything to stay away from the Air Temples right now. To avoid Mom, and to avoid losing all the progress of the past few days. Irrationally, he thinks, they'll take Ven from him. They'll take _everything_ from him.

 _Let them try_ , Ven says to him.

"We _really_ can't trust the White Lotus," Ven says using Sora's mouth. He meets Riku's and then Axel's gazes. "I guess... Air Temples it is."

Sora's not happy with that, but he can't exactly argue with Ven in front of his friends without looking kind of crazy. And he trusts Ven- even though they've only barely just met, Sora feels like they've known each other forever. Well, he supposes they _have_ known each other forever- they're the same person. That's how reincarnation works, like Ven had said, even if Sora can't quite wrap his head around the timing of how it had all happened.

Axel goes back to his place to grab Sora's things. Riku stays with Sora, sitting in a chair by the bed.

"So you're the Avatar," he says.

"Seems like it," Sora confirms. "It doesn't make sense, but I can bend fire, so I guess that's that."

"And your mom didn't take that well?"

Sora shakes his head, which makes things swim a little around him in a way that probably isn't _good_. "She thinks the Avatar Spirit possessed me. That I'm not myself anymore. And for a little while she had me wondering, too. But it doesn't feel like the truth. I'm just... me."

"The timing is weird," Riku says. He hesitates. "You said Avatar Ventus was dead for longer than we thought. What makes you think that?"

"He said so," Sora admits. "We had a bit of a chat. It was... pretty weird." It's still pretty weird. But he's not going to tell Riku that Ven is still in his head. Not right now.

"They showed his body on the news," Riku says. "Did he have an explanation for that?"

"No," Sora says. "He just said he doesn't remember anything after his 19th birthday, that he knows he died that day but can't remember how."

"But why put on a charade that he was still alive, if he died then? Sixteen years of conspiracy? What was the point?"

Sora doesn't know, obviously.

Axel comes back not much later. "Car's in the front," he says. Giving a mock bow to Sora, he says, "Can you walk, Mr. Avatar?"

Sora can, but just barely. He ends up leaning on Riku to steady himself. Riku lends him a pair of sunglasses for a bit of anonymity on the way to the car. Apparently someone had caught his airbending on their phone earlier, and the video had gotten a lot of views.

Axel drives him to the hospital in relative silence. Riku is in the back seat, and Sora can tell he's upset, but Sora is too tired to figure out why or how to fix it.

Axel drops Sora and Riku off at the emergency department, and goes to park his car. Riku helps Sora in, gets him sitting down, and goes to talk to the receptionist.

"What did you tell her?" Sora asks when he gets back.

"That you burnt yourself out bending more than you're used to and that you have a fever," Riku says. "I figure anything else is up to you to tell the doctors. But I'll stay as long as you want me to, okay?"

"Thanks," Sora says.

Axel shows up a minute later and takes the chair on Sora's other side. "It's pretty quiet here," he says. "Shouldn't take long."

Sure enough, it's only a few minutes before someone comes out from a back room.

"Hey," she says. She looks at Riku and Axel. "Are you related to our patient here?"

"They're my friends," Sora says. "Can they please stay?"

Her look softens. "Of course. Let's take you back and get some vitals."

Sora tries to stand, and nearly falls over. The nurse grabs a wheelchair. "Let's not have you faint," she says wryly.

She takes his blood pressure and asks for his name, age, and weight.

"Sora," she repeats back. "So, your friend here said you did a little too much bending and aren't feeling good. Does that sounds accurate?"

Sora nods. "I panicked," he says. "It's happened before. When I get upset, I sometimes lose control of my airbending."

"Mmm," she says. "So are you a student? You're a little young to be in college at the university here."

Sora shakes his head, not sure what to say. "I was visiting my friends," he says.

She looks at Riku and Axel. "Can I have a moment with Sora alone?"

Riku and Axel step a little ways away into an alcove nearby.

"Where are your parents?" she asks, gently.

"Mom is at home," Sora says. "We don't need to call her."

"Legally," she says, "I'm afraid we have to. You're a minor in the hospital."

"I ran away," Sora says quietly. "I can't go back."

"Is there another relative who we can call? Dad? A grandparent?"

Sora says, "I have a grandfather, but I know my mom has been talking with him." He hesitates. "I'm scared," he admits. "Things at home weren't... great. Lately. I can't go back there."

"Let's start with your grandfather, then," she says. "We'll find you somewhere you feel safe."

Sora closes his eyes for a second. "I don't have my phone," he says. Not that he had his grandfather's number, anyawy. "Axel has a number we can try, from the missing person's report on me. There was a news article."

"Great," she says. "I'll talk to him and we'll get in contact with your grandpa. In the meantime, we're going to get some IV fluids going- your numbers are telling me you're a little dehydrated- and I'll get a healer to come in and get some more vitals."

Sora nods.

Riku comes back a moment later to stand silently nearby. Sora nods off for a moment, but wakes up when the nurse comes back to put in the IV.

"I gave reception the number from that news article and explained the situation," she says. "And we have a healer on the way. I have to move on to another patient for a moment, but if you need me push the red button over here, and someone will be right with you."

Sora nods off a little more, sleeping in small spurts. He hates hospitals, but he's so tired that he can't help but doze anyway.

The healer comes in, checks his chi, frowns, and goes to get another more senior healer. Sora's not sure what he expected. Now that he thinks about it, this is what happened when he was a kid, too. The only healer who's ever healed him without a second thought is Kairi.

"Riku," he says, once this occurs to him. "Can you let Kairi know I'm okay? She knows about... the bending stuff."

"Sure," Riku says. "I'll text her, and make sure she doesn't say anything to your mom."

The senior healer comes in, does his own examination, and frowns. "You have very unusual chi paths," he says.

"Yeah," Sora says. "That's what everyone says. I think the last healer I saw said she wasn't sure how I was alive."

The healer laughs. "Yeah, that about sums it up. Wow." He shakes his head. "Well, I don't think you're exactly burnt out. You have plenty of chi. It's just in the wrong places. You bend too much, you're going to shove chi along paths it doesn't belong on, which is going to overload certain organs. Think of it like a spiritual sunburn. You're feeling weak because your body is reacting to that sunburn and slowing everything down to keep from hurting you more. Right now, all we can do is support your body until it heals itself. We'll keep you tonight, and make sure you're hydrated and can walk before we let you go. Besides that, you need to rest. No bending for a few days, not even a little."

"Ugh," Sora says. He hasn't had a chance to fly in days, and he already misses it.

"As for losing control like that," the healer says, "We see that sometimes. It can persist into adulthood, but often it doesn't. I'll send you home with some resources, numbers you can call to get in touch with a doctor who can help."

Sora nods. He's not sure he's even going to be in the United Republic once his grandfather hears where he is, let alone in Republic City. But it won't hurt to take some phone numbers.

Axel and Riku leave him once he's settled in a hospital room. "We'll be back in the morning," Riku says. "You have our numbers- call if anything happens."

Sora nods.

He doesn't expect to be able to sleep, but the healer insists that he try. "You need rest," he says. "I'll dim the lights- if you can't sleep after a little while, call a nurse with that button over there, and they'll come turn them up again."

Sora can't really argue with that. He shuts his eyes- just for a moment.

He is mostly asleep after a few minutes, asleep enough that when Ven says, "Hey," Sora jumps, startling awake.

"Huh?" Sora manages, out loud, before he realizes it's only Ven.

"I wanted to say thank you, for trusting me," Ven says. "I know this is super new to you. Being the Avatar isn't easy at the best of times, and I think we can agree this is unusual even for the Avatar cycle."

"I do trust you," Sora says, internally this time. "I mean, I guess we're kind of the same person, so how could I _distrust_ you? But I have this feeling, that I can't quite explain, like everything was wrong but I didn't know it until you started talking to me, because it was suddenly okay again."

Ven says, "I'm worried."

"Oh?"

"I think maybe something happened to Raava," Ven says. "Something bad."

"Raava," Sora says. "I know that name." He thinks for a minute. "Oh, you said that before. In a dream... You asked where Raava was."

Sora can _feel_ Ven's surprise. "I didn't realize we were sharing dreams," Ven says. "I guess that makes as much sense as anything else." He pauses a moment, obviously not sure how to proceed. "You don't know her, though?"

"I don't think so," Sora says. "The name sounds weirdly familiar, but I don't know why."

"Raava is the spirit of light, of order, of goodness" Ven says. "The Avatar spirit. She joined her spirit to Avatar Wan's, over 10,000 years ago. And then again with Avatar Korra, after her battle with Vaatu- the spirit of darkness and chaos. Raava is the reason the Avatar can bend multiple elements. She's the reason for the Avatar state. She provides spiritual guidance, advice, power. In every life."

"Oh," Sora says, unsure how to respond to that.

"She was never quiet with me," Ven says, obviously frustrated. "I could always talk to her. But now- it's not like she's _gone_. She can't be gone, not if you can bend more than one element. But I can't seem to talk to her. I can barely feel her. She feels farther away than ever."

Sora says, "I'm sorry. That sounds scary, to have a part of you, someone you could always talk to, just... missing."

He gets an impression of a nod. "Yeah. But that's my problem, not yours. I'm worried about you right now- Raava is a part of you, too. If she's weakened or something- and she obviously is- that makes you vulnerable. How are you going to access the Avatar State? Calm angry spirits? You're missing guidance she could provide, too..."

"I have you," Sora says. "That's some guidance. The rest of it... we'll figure it out. Together."

Ven is surprised. Sora can feel that.

"I thought you'd want me gone," he tells Sora. "I'd be annoyed if the previous Avatar were in my head, watching me."

Sora shrugs, and closes his eyes. He is kind of falling asleep, again. His eyes feel heavy. "I don't mind," he admits. "It's nice, at least so far. You have my back, and you're good company. It's definitely weird, but it feels right."

Maybe the barriers between them are a little fuzzy when he's tired. Because he can feel Ven's worry about him, and gratefulness that Sora doesn't hate him, and and underlying current of anxiety about Ven's friends, who he knows must have been hurt- they wouldn't have just let him die without putting up a fight...

"We'll find them," Sora mumbles aloud. "As soon as we can."

If Ven responds, Sora doesn't hear it, or doesn't remember the next morning. He can't stay awake any longer. His dreams are nothing interesting, and when he wakes up at dawn the next morning they disappear the way dreams often do.

There is a nurse in his room, and she smiles at him when he rubs at his eyes. "Oh good," she says. "You're awake. Your grandpa should be here in the next hour." Frowning, she adds, "He wants you moved to a different hospital closer to home. You seem stable, so we're probably going to allow it."

"Closer to whose home?" Sora asks.

"His," the nurse clarifies. "At the Northern Air Temple."

Sora takes a breath, trying to fight off the chill that's gone down his spine. He says, "Can I use a phone to call my friends?"

"Of course," she says.

He calls Riku and Axel, lets them know what the nurse told him. They arrive only ten minutes later, Riku in rumpled clothes that he's obviously slept in.

They talk a little, about how Sora slept and if he's feeling any better. Sora's grateful for the chatter. It keeps his mind off the imminent arrival of his grandfather.

Finally, the nurse from earlier ducks in. "Your grandfather is here," she says. "He'll be up in a moment."

Sora takes a deep breath. Things will be okay. He hopes.

"Thanks," he says, and tries to ignore the feeling that he should be running.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm pretty sure I dislocated my wrist (...again) in mid-November. I totally lost momentum during that ordeal and am just getting back to this. So apologies for the late and little-bit-shorter-than-normal chapter, but I think I have a good excuse >.<
> 
> Someone in my family bought me an ergonomic keyboard for Christmas (I know this because I'm a nosy gremlin who filters my wishlist by "purchased" before holidays lol) and I've tried to improve my typing/work setup a lot in other ways too. So I'm hopeful that'll help prevent this kind of injury in the future. I guess we'll see.


End file.
